Wednesday, 29 December 2010

clipped words


refined version of comment deleted from thread on the guardian article, three african presidents to deliver ultimatum to gbagbo in ivory coast:

28 december 2010 12:16pm

yessir, this is a great opportunity for three respected african heads of state to get away from the missus for the weekend, get pissed-up in an expensive western hotel, and explore the possibilities of more amicable relations with ivorean chambermaids - all paid-for by the presidents of the united states of america, france, and several oil companies of unafrican origin.

as for the side-issue of the national election, this is a piece of toffee:

provide each adult ivorean citizen with one hershey bar and one mars bar - if the citizen prefers gbagbo as president, then he (or she) should leave the mars bar in the courtyard of monsieur gbagbo's official residence, and if the citizen would prefer to elect ouattara as president, then he (or she) should leave the hershey bar in front of the hotel occupied by monsieur ouattara. on completion of voting, each citizen should consume his (or her) remaining candy-bar in order to ensure a totally secret ballot in accordance with recognized international electoral procedure - and, finally, when the two polling stations are closed, each presidential candidate should scoff all chocolate bars cast before his personal place of abode. if either candidate should be observed either failing to ingest his full allocation of confectionery, or in any way attempting to encourage one of his deputies, or deputies' children, to nosh any portion of the aforesaid block of votes on his behalf, then that candidate shall be deemed in breach of electoral rules and shall be disqualified forthwith, forfeiting the said election without further formality. pursuant to both presidential candidates completing the ballot count, the duly appointed returning officer for toblerone shall weigh each man in a state of disrobement, and, subject to approval by nestlé independent monitors, shall proclaim the fattest cunt winner.


3 comments:

new model gladiator said...

ecowas forces? they jus' chocolate soldiers to mister obama.

diane dubble dollop said...

mmmm...yes...that's what i call thinking 'out-of-the-box'...actually, i would welcome this manner of electoral reform in the united kingdom.

daaaayo...deaaayo...day-light-com-an'-me-waan-go-ho-em...dae...d-d-day-d-d-day-d-d-day-d-d-day-d-d-daey-o-oh...daay-light-comm-ann'-me-waaan-go-ohh said...

jubilee? freedom? this is no lucky strike...more oil, more suffering more like...there'll be a bed of roses...but it will only cover the cemetary.