Friday, 16 November 2012

hardnut hague backs israel against palestine and supports syria against syria

i don't know who's paying our thigh-slapping finger-flapping foreign secretary to stick his well-powdered nose into these two middle-eastern conflicts, but it surely can't be the british public?  with due respect to the deranged details of these bitter historical disputes, both sides in the syrian civil-war and both in the gazan conflict are gripped in a desperate deathlock and have every intention of rolling over the precipice, taking each other's communities, and any assistant combatants, to a permanent and peaceful settlement on the smooth marble foot-stones of the chasm of no-return.

just because the united kingdom is (supposed to be) pulling out of the war in afghanistan, it does not mean that our government should be finding another arena in which our military can spread indiscriminate carnage - in fact, quite the opposite i would have thought.  the involvement of our armed forces in syria and blatantly biased heavy-handed ministerial interference in gaza can only lead to fatal fall-out with iran and russia - eventually guaranteeing an industrial dose of terror and destruction on the streets of britain's towns and cities, that we might better appreciate the plight of those already under the congressional cosh of the massed cashed cohorts.

hopelessly hamstrung by his own hypocrisy, hague claims: "hamas bears principal responsibility for the current crisis".  well hear this wee willy wonkywall: 'the current crisis' is over half-a-century old and this country's great leaders have contributed to it copiously from its very creation.

no-fly zone over syria?  fuck me hague*, have you ever considered a no-fly zone over gaza, or considered arming the palestinians?  has it ever even crossed your sold-out sense-proof mind to condemn the israelis for their perpetual splitter-splatter of previous war-crimes?  has it ever occurred to you to call the syrian opposition to book for their disregard of human rights?  if the answer to all these questions is a resounding "no", then i suggest you back out sharpish from the whole bloody debate and take your battered boy soldiers with you.

it's more than spark up's life is worth even to contemplate condoning the killing of civilians - whether this be by israelis, palestinians, or either faction in the syrian slaughter - but he-man hague is all for slyly passing the blame for the obliteration of palestinian children onto (guess who?) the palestinians.

from the days of the oxford bullingdon club and the salacious violence-fuelled news-stories of its members' 'bashes' with black call-girls at the rothschilds' extravagant waddesdon manor, one has always taken it as read that cameron, johnson, osbourne and company were the overpaid overdressed overrated and overfed footmen of the israeli government...

...but hague's from an altogether different set, yet dances delicately and deftly to the tel-aviv tune like a real rehearsed pro - so the whiff of a question left wafting in the wasting wind is this: what diffractive goodies do his poppet-masters have on him?

*preferably not

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

spark up! scores cia-supremo scalp

...such is the power of spark up! that within a mere week of our blog raising concerns over the washington administration's control of the central intelligence agency, cap'n "poker" petraeus has resigned from the directorship of the world's most degenerate spy-department in order to spend more time with his pack of dotty doting bimbos...

...and not only this, but a cursory analysis of comments entered in response to a 2010 spark up! post, entitled petraeus flips-his-flopsider and vows to flush insurgency from white house, shows that the cap'n's predisposition to being abducted by neurotic nazi-nymphos was already raising worrying warning-flags in the white house - indeed, an anonymous administration commenter going under the on-line identity of president obama (commander-in-chief of dormitory arrangements) made clear reference to fears about "the poker" (as he is affectionately known to close friends and colleagues) becoming easy prey to a racial-sterotype of the friskier kind, but (as stereotypes of this nature so often sadly do) the presidential premise proved definitively false and instead poor old "poker" petraeus was, in the event, soundly scuppered by an all-american aryan amazon, a battle-bronzed brunhilda von bismarck, no less...

...of course, stormtrooper brickwall claims to have been jealous of a love-rival flirting in the figure of a 'voluntary social liaison officer' at united states central command, but spark up! has money on this being a case of mistaken identity - and that it's the twin-sister who's actually in the frame... yes, once again the cia is rocked by ripping revelations originating on this very blog - basically because, if a blogger as politically unintelligent as spark up! has worked out what's up, then the pentagon's chief spooks can be pretty damned certain that at least half-the-globe's population already knows the dirty dingy details too...

Sunday, 4 November 2012

obama: boss or floss?

let's not beat about the bush here...despite dreaming away four fluffy years in the complacent clouds of ideologically-insulated democratic fairyland, obama does not automatically deserve a second term in sleeping beauty's castle (bavaria, colorado), because, save for his innovation in using civilizing cruise-missiles to radically redesign the humble family abodes of brown folks across afghanistan, his vision in demolishing illiberal libya (together with the lives of a few tens of thousand black and arab africans) in order to make way for the extremist gangland-patchwork of a cia-inspired weaponry-wonderland, his dedication to the task of brutally eradicating a government with an un-american sounding name in somalia, his subversive approval for the toppling of an unaesthetically left-handed chocolate baron in the ivory coast, his bold promotion of black majority rule within the united states prison-system, his commitment to positive discrimination for african-americans wasting-away their lives on the waiting-list for a lethal-injection, and save for his abolition of due respect for archaic bureaucratic civil-rights legislation originally envisaged to prevent the hunting down and slaying of unarmed black youths, the first african-american president hasn't changed a darned-devil-detail of a thing for his fellow humankind, especially those in the poorer divisions. do i hear you cry "racist"? yes? well, err...not really, no i'm not...since i don't in fact believe that any american president has earned a second-helping, and, if the truth be told, none of these war-greedy dictators has ever earned the power which is laid-on with that particular presidency, at all...(except for poor old ronnie reagan, in his younger days a sincere intelligent man with immense political integrity, who obviously could not be held responsible for the war-crimes perpetrated by his subordinate gangsters on account of his grey marble being irretrievably diminished by old age.)

...and now, perversely, fully sated after four years of uninterrupted bloodlust, the vampires in the white house are making righteous overtures of peace toward the middle-east - however, reading such regular rounds of romney-bashing in publications such as the daily telegraph makes one peruse the possibility that president obama has long since secured the tel aviv contract on iran...there again, he might let the israelis go ahead and bust into tehran, but then inexplicably fail to back them up...

...okay, of theory, i'd love the challenger, mister unmittigated, to be given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to show how his free-market policies could ultimately shake-out the country's encrusted economic cobwebs, thus allowing his private corporate cowboys (instead of obama's public ones) to rob the electorate down to its very last dime...but alas, it must also be recognized that this single-minded single-celled ship's captain is in reality a crafty covert crypto-communist who desires nothing more than to skip the inauguration ball, jump straight into air-force one, and commence playing with his little red button. indeed, mr romney lives in the insidious hope of provoking a pre-emptive israeli attack on iran and subsequently precipitating a worldwide conflict which would see a half-hearted battle-weary north america and a less-than-half-hearted europe valiantly take on a hopping-mad heavily-armed russia, china, middle-east, south america and most of darkest disenchanted disenfranchized africa - with the final result most probably panning out accordingly: after a 20-year-long war, costing billions of lives, the united states would eventually be occupied by the victorious allied defenders of global-freedom and divided into four controlling sectors (the russian sector, the chinese sector, the iranian sector, and the zimbabwean sector) and the capital, washington dc itself, would be divided-up in similar fashion...great britain would suffer a nuclear attack before being surrendered unconditionally by her majesty the queen, although it would later be established that the decisive annihilation of london was actually a case of american friendly-fire...israel would get themselves mugged by their neighbours and demand rehousing from the chinese, to whom they had secretly switched sides before the war (which, you will remember, the israelis had initiated by attacking iran and triggering-off the whole shabang), the united nations would grant israel a charter to take up accommodation on the islands currently known as japan, the japanese would be removed to south korea, south korea would get taiwan, taiwan would...oh shit, i think you get the drift.

by-the-way, what's the betting on the american people voting for a suicide-dingbat who will merrily take most of them with him to republican hell? quite high, i'd imagine...?

...blast it, yeah...basically romney's a wrong-un, a complete nonny no-no - so i suppose we'll just have to return to offering mr obama constructive advice and making helpful yet sensitive criticisms...

to summarize his short but rank reign, the first african-american president has failed to close down guantanamo bay detention centre, but otherwise done sweet fanny adams and even she's getting brassed-off with the lack of material change - once you've seen the contents of one grey suit you've seen them all, apparently. obama claims that muslim people have suffered intolerably at the hands of terrorists, yet conveniently omits to mention that the overwhelming majority of attacks have been clumsily orchestrated by the united states army; obama claims that he stands for freedom of speech, yet, for example, has done nothing, here in britain, to quell the suppressive tactics employed by his henchmen and supporters against those who wish to question his distressingly scarred record on human rights; persistent drone flights over afghanistan and pakistan and their accompanying lightening-strike assassinations are inducing deep psychoses amongst local inhabitants on the ground; obama's presidency has given rise to rebellion and riot throughout the middle east, north africa and even here in little old england - his leadership seems to instigate, not the peaceful civil-rights 'please-be-nice-and-change-your-oppressive-racist-establishment-from-the-inside' kinda protest of the 1960s (from which grew the ideologically futile beanstalk that he himself climbed to grab his meaningless political loot), and not the practical-yet-ethical self-defence type of stand against aggressive authority (as famously proposed by hard-sane independent men of the street, such as mr malcolm x), but rather the violent hate-fuelled revolt of extremists infiltrated then fired-up by agents of the cia and led by the power-gluttonous wannabe-bourgeois government-bitches (and here i use the word 'bitch' in its non-sexist sense), who, frustrated and angry with 9-to-5 career-chosen-cocksucking at the feet of their class-confining-overlords, leave over-remunerated work at weekends to mouth-off in a vicious repartie of reprisal reflected from the mirror of their own immoral folly, inciting the impressionable road-ragged grudge of youth to leap over the revolutionary barricade of bad-emotion and chuck their un-lived lives at the mercy of the unmerciful line-up of state mercenaries (clocked-in colleagues of those same senior pseudo-sunday-agitators, who, afraid of losing the slutty-slot in the system where they prattle and pose, slip-quietly-into-reverse in search of some mythical lost wallet, packed with hard hypocrisy); the epitomy of this syndrome: obama the rebel with a remote...

...and what has his highness to say about the assault on humanity in haiti, and the deliberate deluge which cruelly drowned a coastline of communities in japan? pre-informed rumours circulated halfway 'round the globe in awful anticipation of these cynical crimes - so why the officially sanctioned silence and the mass-media cover-up of a massively misunderstood murder? was there a soupçon of cia involvement, perhaps? or has the president been kept in the dark? and then we must examine the curiously ambushed ambassador in libya, cited as 'a friend of the arabs' - it's inconceivable that the cia did not know their own hoodlums were staging a slickly organized slap-in-the-face-of-america, designed to damage the obama administration. who stood to gain from this act of terror? mr romney? or would hitman clinton maybe consider herself a stiletto shoe-in if the united states were subjected to a short sharp spell of romney ruin...? the main question is: if not the president, who is running the cia? mitt romney? mrs clinton? a foreign nation? no-one?

if mr obama is being undermined by a clandestine inner circle for which he does not have the racial or family 'status' to attain membership, surely he must speak out? if he is being compelled, through malevolent threats, to slaughter the sons and daughters of mother earth and to rape africa and asia of their integral geological riches, surely he should resign and leave office in order to confront his extortionists? if none of the above apply, he must be man enough to carry the can; isn't it strange that there were no accusations of electoral racism when obama was voted into the white house, yet now there is a real chance that he could be voted out, the accusations of racism are flying every-which-way?

as a final gesture of goodwill, we here at spark up! editorial high-command would like to offer president obama a piece of sincere and heartfelt free-advice - namely, that in the event of him being fortunate enough to fluke another four years in office, he should please try to avoid playing the rôle of hillary clintwick's magic broomstick...

...and if he is not duly fated to be re-elected, we can cheerfully console him with the fact that a vacancy could soon arise for the position of coach at norwich city football club.

Thursday, 2 August 2012

one of our commentators is missing

the following critique of olympiad-apartheid, by spark up!-stablemate don't darken our waters please, we're british, was deleted from a comment-thread entitled oh oh oh what a lovely olympics! on the slog:

"In a nutshell, the Games used to comprise a nationally hosted theatre of amateur-status giants from around the world at their peak."

i hate to demolish your prose-tinted wet-dream of an officers' club jamboree which you probably never had the opportunity of witnessing, but let's face it, i doubt whether many blackies were allowed to take part lest they got above their station and won the white man's medals for pete's sake; except for a team from south africa (which was probably about as blanket-white as it proved in the london 2012 opening ceremony), no black-african nations were represented at all - mainly one suspects, because their fittest fellers had all been shot to buggery by the japs whilst fighting for an ethically-empty empire on the british front-line in burma; germany and japan were barred from entering due to their subjected status as occupied countries (although jerry forced-labour kindly showed-up to construct the facilities) and the soviet union basically boycotted the bastard british burghleyesque for want of commensurate capitalist conviction - however it should be noted that as games-hosts the british team of that era did have the downright decency and good-manners not to bag a brash bonanza of mock-precious-metalware despite having won bronze position in the recently re-run world-war.

i suppose in these modern enlightened times there's some sick sense of sociological progress exhibited in the way we now condone the participation of those we're bombing-to-bloody-blazes, yet in certain reserved events, such as bang-bang- horsey- and water-sports, it still appears that the deeply-darkies don't get a look-in.

having said all this, the individual competitions are nevertheless a lot of fun for those fortunate to make the cut and for those of us who care to turn voyeur - and any that say nay to synchronized-sexuality and pervy-pool-polo are miserable old malignant gits.

god save the olympic-dream

hmmm...john ward, the blog-proprietor in question, has accused the comment-author of levelling a 'personal insult' - well, i can't detect one myself...but if the dunce-cap fits, then wear it you conceited champagne-sipping-socialist-cunt and touchy-two-bit-tosser (combined).  maybe the phrase 'british team' could have been substituted with the snappier 'brits' (thereby avoiding stylistic discrimination of the word 'japs'), but i'm pretty sure that it was more ward's british pride which was wounded rather than his politically-correct conscience.  john ward is most clearly an opportunist olympic-collaborator covertly capitalizing on the politically-corrupted games and does not wish to entertain any hackney-side views delivered from outside the empire-theme-park security-fence.  spark up!-signed scribblers have recently been sincerely, indeed studiously, endeavouring to contribute a deeper-dimension to mr ward's blog, and yet never, in all my years on the internet disco of discourse, have i beheld such a blatantly unambiguous declaration of blog-war.  disgraceful.

Saturday, 26 May 2012

vorsprung durch nicknack (an emergency monetary ejaculation on behalf of the euro by frau angrilla murkl)

personalich, can ich not understanding how ze eurodrain market can ever failings - ve have so good technologies and so greats inventive thinkings (especially in ze mathematics departments). for examples, just you takes ze looks at vot ve haves on offers in lidl's euro-stores, ve haves everyzinks a man can vants...

first i gives yous ze up-und-down-rockings fluffy pussyhole:

clicken you hier

and seconds gives i yous ze englisch poofs-chair:

clicken you hier

who is saying zat ze germans haves ze no-senses of ze humours?

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

Monday, 9 January 2012

curtailed words: democratic debate summarily stifled on underdogs bite upwards

due to an undemocratic and ruthless lord-high leg-iron-led dictatorship taking immoral control of the underdogs bite upwards editorial command, spark up! has stepped-up smartly to the posting-plate in order to defend that most cherished, exquisite and delicate treasure which we once knew as freedom-of-speech, and to allow our valued friend lady diana dubble-dollop the equal opportunity to reply to rab on the socially-exclusive abbot - ah, but... discussion thread.

lady diana dubble-dollop wanted to say:

hi guys, thanks for the expenses - it means i've been able to pay-off my coco-slate and have just taken delivery of a fresh tanker-load. it's top grade shit - i gave the driver a 'nice big tip' and in return he saw his way clear to giving moi an extra big squirt.

anyway...i'm not quite sure why red edit and kenny wadisa are using down the mineshaft's screen-account? but obviously we cia brethren can do any damn baamba shite-jinks we like, so why not, hey?

oh, eddy baby...methinks he doth protest too much, don't ya? he's a great sport tho' and i've always had a soft-and-soggy centre for him since the day i 'took him under my wing' whilst teaching elementary bull-shitting at rada...

and well, really...may i say that i feel most insulted by rab's tea-lady remark - i'll have him know that i gained my twilight position in a dodgy-corner of the shadow-cabinet on merit's got nothink to-do with any sort of racial discrimination, positive discrimination, or the fact i've got both eds' balls in a digitally-recorded vice (comprising a bedful of busty bountiful bouncing bajun babes) which they don't wan't their err...paler partners to know anythink, not at all...i provide the shadow-ministers of the shadow-cabinet with an invaluable sensible now, who else could source, for members of a future british government, such high-quality ganj...err...i mean cannabis sativa (strictly for medicinal use in the nhs, naturally...)

...and what's all this nonsense about black cabs...i have no problem getting black cabs...all cabbies luv me man...i just have to abide by certain local by-laws (quite similar to those to which i am subject in cabinet, actually)...i don't think it necessary to go into unseemly detail...but suffice to say that the provision of a re-inforced rum-truffle-flavoured-gag shows just how far this country has progressed since the harsh days of slavery.

...mmm...and what was the original topic...oh ya, good heavens, you just can't say anything thesedays, can you? you know, if i'd said that white people are all lovely and yummy and their men all have huge great knock-out willies, we wouldn't be having this discussion, now would we, darling?

oh ya, have to dash now...eddy's passing 'round for dindins and i've got a bathful of choccy-custard-sauce on-the-go for the sponge-dessert...must jump-in before a skin forms.