europeans fight for less human rights

article 15 of the european convention on human rights allows contracting states to derogate from certain rights guaranteed by the convention - but only "in time of war or other public emergency threatening the life of the nation". to clarify, this means that, deferring to the principle of self-defence, the state may ignore human rights legislation if it feels threatened by an individual citizen or group of citizens, but citizens may not ignore human rights legislation if threatened by the state. the state is invincible, long live the state.

outrage in afghanistan

united states generals are complaining of having their feelings "quite hurt" by intelligence reports which reveal that, during a confidential conversation with a neighbour, an afghan mother has admitted to being extremely scared of american christians dressed in military uniform who shoot at her family and fire rockets at her house.

afua hirsch proposes the introduction of strict verbal control for the phrase "illegal immigrant"...

...but the guardian legal correspondent fails to pick up that immigration legislation (the law which magically turns immigrants illegal) is, by its nature, discriminatory and racist...

...just ask jimmy mubenga.

ok love...let's ban the words "illegal" and "immigrant" when they miscegenate and make sense of an illogical immoral unworkable law...then we can all pretend that the concept of immigration legislation is fine, that "illegal immigrants" don't exist, and don't get exploited by big business and the conniving politicians who rake off the resultant corporation taxes to suit and boot themselves...

...and you can carry on collecting fees for representing those "illegal immigrants"...

making these words "dirty"...will never make the money you earn "clean"...you have degraded, dehumanized and smeared the very clients who put food in your mouth...

lawyers...protect the law at the expense of the people...

what would we do without 'em?

spark up! poll:nine out of ten benefit-cheats prefer tax-evaders to george osborne & the inland revenue's steam-'n-cream gang

the shock result of a specially commissioned spark up! survey reveals that an overwhelming proportion of benefit-cheats believe that the chancellor of the exchequer, george osborne, and his merry band of taxmen are no better than a delinquent bunch of street-muggers. computerized analysis of responses to a wide range of questions posed by dodgy data uk ltd indicates that the sample group of british welfare fraudsters were, in general, philosophically opposed to compulsory taxation, and also under the firm impression that tax-inspectors hang around in hoodies, whilst nonchalantly terrorizing old ladies by revealing their arses and engaging in estuary easy-speak.

during an intimate pillow-conversation with a spark up! undercover reporter, the chancellor of the extortionists is quoted as describing his micro-economic policy in the following terms:

"this is a rumble in the fiscal jungle. we have to mug the honest hard-working taxpayer in order to finance an ultimately fruitless yet wonderfully vindictive vote-winning initiative against the great british benefit-cheat. we could, of course, solve the problem of benefit-sponging by abolishing the welfare state altogether...but then we'd have no statutory excuse for fleecing the public via the tax-system and taking our own whacking great cut (in order to subsidize the rising cost of our children's ridiculously expensive public school educations). basically, we in the conservative party are seeking to re-establish traditional values by re-introducing the well-heeled concept of social-exclusion - which is predicated upon the notion of the 'deserving snob', such as myself, who is born into the privileged mafia of major or minor aristocracy through absolutely no fault of his own...and the 'undeserving snob', more-often-than-not a socialist, who claws, shags and fiddles his way to the top of the dung-pile by virtue of his own craft, graft, criminal inclination and corrupt association."

the immigration-factor

x-factor judge, cheryl cole, has denied allowing racism to colour her decision to send home super-talented zimbabwean contestant, gamu nhengu - who, through no fault of her own, has run into some difficulties concerning her immigration status and now faces deportation. cole, who has previous for whacking a nigerian toilet-attendant without holding a recognized degree in deontological ethics, has claimed that she cannot possibly be racist as she was married to a black man - although presumably her participation in this relationship formed a mandatory component of her community service order, as she divorced him when he relapsed into racially-stereotypical behaviour and started putting it around a bit more than she could tolerate. i could also rather ungenerously speculate that ms cole's husband was a normally-narrow-minded-sun-newspaper-reading-brit who was of the common belief that immigration legislation was not in fact inherently racist so long as it did not affect or impede his own indefinite right to reside up cheryl's initial port-of-entry...but i won't...because i gather that he is considerably bigger than me - a fact which i guess swayed the liberal talent-show judge in her decision to jump on his nob in the first instance.

well-i-never...i along with other freedom-to-sing-to-shit-celebrities campaigners have long been arguing that immigration legislation is indeed racist - as it discriminates unfairly against sub-saharan soul-singers - and now it appears that god, in his great and bountiful wisdom, has delivered unto us a scenario which demonstrates, beyond-all-possible-doubt, to even the most tone-deaf of daily mail readers, that a nice girl, with a nice voice, could sadly end up illegally cleaning bogs below the minimum-wage - despite the fact that her mum has made a concerted attempt to integrate into british society by observing traditional national custom and claiming welfare benefits to which she was not strictly-speaking entitled.

may i wish gamu and her mum every success against those conceited cunts at the home office - and i hope and pray that gamu will be permitted to re-enter the competition and get a fair crack at punching cheryl's snotty stuck-up racist face in...

...if however, our prayers are not answered...may i suggest that gamu uses the insanely intense publicity either to secure herself a remunerative recording-contract, or to highlight the injustices of our exploitative immigration system...aside from that i would advise her to pursue her career in the regular pub-and-club venues in order to gain real performance experience...and to completely avoid any more crap celebrity-manufacturing-contests, which, let's face it, ultimately have absolutely nothing to do with natural artistic self-development...and usually degenerate into some international race-row due to the prejudiced nature of the audience and programme producers...

simon cowell just does not deserve to profit from true musicians like gamu...

...and as for officer cheryl...may i wish her a long and fulfilling career in the uk border agency.

no welsh, no blacks, just dogs of war

whites colonize labour cabinet

need i say more...?

ok then...

labour have white-washed the shadow-cabinet but can never rinse away the dark stain of innocent muslim blood from the hypocritical hands of its nasty filthy front-line war-criminals

how sadiq khan is going to sit amongst such an immoral greedy bunch of islamophobic child-killers, and still respect himself, will be a miracle to behold...?

the labour party have just lost the black vote...these shadow-ministers were not chosen according to ability but according to the strength of their bond with the devil...in the labour leadership contest, diane abbott polled almost the same percentage of votes as andy burnham, yet, unlike him, didn't even make the cut...and although i do not rate david lammy because of his support for the iraq war, i nevertheless recognize that he is more talented than other candidates who have been elected...get real now, both abbott and lammy have got to be more effective politicians than that dizzy cunt tessa jowell...it's definitely who you know that counts in socialist politics...and not what you know or stand for...

no afro-caribbean faces to front-up for british politics in the house of commons...a total fucking disgrace...for the white establishment...

...but a credit to young black intellectuals who are becoming increasingly conscious of their redundancy in the houses of parliament and steering well clear of the dump...

the experience of the blair years shows us that black politicians can only secure cabinet positions on the condition that they sell-out their civil-rights principles...and even then, they suffer a short shelf-life...lammy now knows this...and obama soon will...

bravo diane! they stood-you-up, you showed-them-up

this is not a broadcast on behalf of the conservative party

black people support socialism because:

• the labour government attempted to colonize the middle-east and black people would just love to regenerate the british empire
  
  
• black people just love paying high taxes to white governments and then having to suck-up to the white establishment to get their money back
  
  
• black people just love paying for shitty public services and becoming captive-customers to the rude racist public servants who mismanage government departments yet cannot be sacked
  
  
• black people just love to surrender responsibility for their lives to white governments who are always more than happy to micro-manage the affairs of black people so that black people do not have to think for themselves and can blame white people when everything goes tits-up
  
  
• black people just love being guaranteed equality with white people and not having to be bothered by the annoying freedom to out-perform white people
  
  
• the labour party is full of racist white people who pretend they love black people but really hate them - a situation with which black people are innately comfortable because they really hate white people but pretend to love them
  
  
• black people prefer to choose money over self-esteem
  
  
• black people just love to vote-in soiled goods like david lammy and oona king (who have backed a bloody colonialist outrage in the middle-east) and second-hand sofas like diane abbott
  
  
• it costs them nothing - but has set-back black politics more than a century, anaesthetizing black intellectual thought more surely than all the cannabis ever grown
  
  
• white racism has caused insecurity amongst black people who, as a defence-response, have internalized the white herd-mentality and religiously rallied around a philosophy which obviates the need for individual thinking and viewpoints - hence black people's obsession with social-control and other strategies of white suppression
  
  
• socialism is the biggest con since christianity - and its natural heir
  
  
• as small children, black people were praised by white people for ramming round things into square holes

the spark up! pocket dictionary of discrimination

• racism: a hatred of humanity which manifests itself in a predisposition to practise the social-classification of individuals according to skin-colour rather than, for example, in terms of integrity, ability, experience, or achievement
  
  
• white people: individuals who hate black people
  
  
• black people: individuals who hate white people

disclaimer:

• spark up! does not support any political party which advocates the imposition of compulsory taxation

delhi does the biz, liz

although the indian government may have been criticized for slinging-up a second-rate stadium for a second-rate sports-event, for the duration of the intricately lavish inaugural ceremony of the 2010 commonwealth games, the jawaharlal nehru arena, in new delhi, proved to be a first-rate set for a premium-rate advertizing slot - of which the opportunistic authorities made the fullest use to promote indian commerce and culture to grand effect. after an 80-year sentence of serial social-snubbery, the ancient civilization of the asian sub-continent has at last been granted the doubtful privilege of hosting this historic event and, in strict observance of time-honoured british tradition, the fastest politicians in the east have knocked-up the infra-structure on-the-cheap and pocketed the record-breaking difference without even breaking into a sweat - but one can hardly blame the maharajahs and maharanis for defecating on the commonwealth games, which were previously known as the british empire games, which, in turn, evolved from the gladiatorial spectacles of inter-kingdom power-struggles and wars of independence so generously promoted by queen victoria throughout the worldwide-web of british colonies...

...and there we have it...the paradox of an independent superstate, which has little interest in playing games (when there's so much money to be made and such influence to be won) yet plays host to the quaint martial melodies and nostalgic majesterial whims of an enslaved defunct monarchy - whose subjects and rulers are commonly addicted to sports. in london, you will notice that indians do not make a great show of celebrating the day on which they gained independence - they were not granted it sham-to-shambles fashion, as in so many african and caribbean countries, they grabbed it back, and never looked back. indians celebrate their independence every day of the year by striving to consolidate it - whereas the nigerians, for example, make a big deal of their 'independence' day, yet do not even own, in any real or meaningful sense, the precious natural resources which lie beneath their mother-lands's rich home-soil; lagos, the business-hub-capital of black africa, is more-often-than-not subject to a power black-out - a symptomatic state of affairs which sadly defines, and is almost synonymous with, african 'independence'...formerly known as colonialism...formerly known as slavery.

south africa put on a fantastic football tournament, but it brought no freedom to its people...because soccer is 'something' spread (if not originally invented) by the british. now...the indians may not be the greatest stadium-builders, nor hold much respect for the founders of democracy after whom they name these statutory status-symbols, but when they wish to construct something important to themselves, such as the taj mahal, the akshardham temple, or their own mother-nation, it will undoubtedly last a good deal longer than the commonwealth games stadium, the commonwealth games, the british raj, or the british empire - which in the five-thousand-year long scheme of india's dynamic dynastic history...is but a bloody blip.

edwin lutyens, eat your heart out.

conservatives back use of terrorism to counter extremism

the british prime minister, mr david cameron, has today re-affirmed his support for proposals that members of the united nations should "have available to them" the option of committing a short-sharp atrocity against innocent members of the public whose governments have seen fit to commit war-crimes against the civilian citizens of foreign countries. in a brief statement issued at a hastily convened press-conference, the leader of the conservative party expounded his conviction that the introduction of progressive policies such as the cane-a-colonialist bill was the only sure-fire way of bringing "harmonious discipline" to a diverse world in which genocide and assorted human-rights abuses have become appallingly commonplace.

coalitionists crap themselves over labour's new clobber

the conservative press, as exemplified by guido fawkes, have quite rightly been quick to ridicule the recent bolshevik revolution in the labour party, but the raucous level of right-wing mirth belies a red-faced cover-up by a government which has complacently sat on its filthy murdering hands and completely failed to redress the balance of roughshod-western-justice in afghanistan. you see...if the truth be told, the prospect of a strong civil-rights suit sitting on the opposition front benches of parliament is making the massed members of the coalition banditry quake in their bother-boots - because the moral malaise which has brought british socialism crashing to its knees will ultimately be the downfall of this cobbled-cartel too. in the crowded house of commons the collective conscience of collaboration is contagious, and the symptoms of sadistry are synchronic - war-poxed war-criminals are just not fit to rule.