Monday, 18 October 2010

spark up! poll:

nine out of ten benefit-cheats prefer tax-evaders to george osborne & the inland revenue steam-'n-cream gang

the shock result of a specially commissioned spark up! survey reveals that an overwhelming proportion of benefit-cheats believe that the chancellor of the exchequer, george osborne, and his merry band of taxmen are no better than a delinquent bunch of street-muggers. computerized analysis of responses to a wide range of questions posed by dodgy data uk ltd indicates that the sample group of british welfare fraudsters were, in general, philosophically opposed to compulsory taxation, and also under the firm impression that tax-inspectors hang around in hoodies, whilst nonchalantly terrorizing old ladies by revealing their arses and engaging in estuary easy-speak.

during an intimate pillow-conversation with a spark up! undercover reporter, the chancellor of the extortionists is quoted as describing his micro-economic policy in the following terms:

this is a rumble in the fiscal jungle. we have to mug the honest hard-working taxpayer in order to finance an ultimately fruitless yet wonderfully vindictive vote-winning initiative against the great british benefit-cheat. we could, of course, solve the problem of benefit-sponging by abolishing the welfare state altogether...but then we'd have no statutory excuse for fleecing the public via the tax-system and taking our own whacking great cut (in order to subsidize the rising cost of our children's ridiculously expensive public school educations). basically, we in the conservative party are seeking to re-establish traditional values by re-introducing the well-heeled concept of social-exclusion - which is predicated upon the notion of the 'deserving snob', such as myself, who is born into the privileged mafia of major or minor aristocracy through absolutely no fault of his own...and the 'undeserving snob', more-often-than-not a socialist, who claws, shags and fiddles his way to the top of the dung-pile by virtue of his own craft, graft, criminal inclination and corrupt association.

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