Thursday, 19 March 2009

newsflush: celebrity publicist stricken by freak double-eclipse


rumours have begun to circulate that top publicist max deathorg may have tragically od'd. a hospital spokesman has revealed that events unfolded shortly after the usually irrepressible pr man received the sad news that one of his high-profile campaigns had been cruelly and inensitively upstaged by fate. mr deathorg is said to have been absolutely heart-broken and is reported to have complained of "some posh bird" stealing his main client's deadlines.

*end of flush*

in other unrelated news,

the missed-list:

millions of fans worldwide are mourning the sudden death of talented and beautiful tony-award winning actress natasha richardson who helped raise millions of dollars in the fight against aids. miss richardson, 45, was a trustee of the charity amfar - the foundation for aids research.

whilst in the uk, millions more anxiously await news of terminally-ill jade goody, the brave bouncy big brother celebrity, aged only 27, whose valiant battle against cervical cancer in front of the cameras has raised to an unprecedented level public-awareness of the killer disease - and the vital importance of regular cervical-screening.

the wouldn't-be-missed-list:

pope benedict xvi who, on a visit to cameroon, has proclaimed that condoms are not the solution to the aids crisis and would, in fact, "make matters worse". what an evil lying cunt. what "makes matters worse" is the universal poverty which prompts poor people to share razor-blades and re-use hypodermic needles (whilst faithfully participating in the medically-questionable western vaccination campaigns which almost certainly introduced aids into the african population in the first place); the unsterilized surgical equipment used in woefully under-equipped hospitals and dentists' surgeries is now known to be the main cause of the african aids epidemic - and widespread aids misdiagnosis, due to cheap substandard testing, has historically concealed a huge hepatitis and tuberculosis problem. abstinence mr pope? don't even go there you sad old patronizing wanker.