Thursday, 17 June 2010

spark up! shock exclusive: comment censored by cia from huffington post

on just her first day of contributing, michelle obarnickel, president barack obama's shunned second wife, a jamaico-briton, has been unceremoniously blocked from commenting on the huffington post - the internationally-celebrated blog, second only in world-rankings to your own dear, beloved, spark up!

unconfirmed rumours of a covert cia operation to gag michelle obarnickel are now orbiting the globe at supersonic-speed. white house officials deny "any involvement" by michelle mopslop, president obama's super-controlling first wife, an afro-american, in the scandalous affair.

we are greatly honoured and thrilled that michelle has approached us (in tears) here at spark up! and have naturally jumped at this unique opportunity to publish the full unexpurgated dirt below:

comment by michelle obarnickel in response to an article by harry shearer entitled:

a word to bp shareholders

i hate to be the one to break this to you, harry, i really do, but barack obama was set up by the cia to sanitize the bloody-war crap, the economic-crash crap, and the environmental-polution crap, which was left behind by the republicans - all this whilst soiling his own reputation in the process. the current president is a single-term skittle, deliberately poised to be bowled-flat, for maximum points, leaving the deck cleared for republicans to re-rack and start a new game. unfortunately for the cia, it chose to enlist the assistance of the nigero-centric african-american mafia to facilitate their fall-guy's accelerated ascension to power, and, having rumbled the conceited agency's rotten ruse, a tiny kernel of black intellectuals configured their own power-play - they rustled up a slick saboteurial sub-scheme whereby african-americans would sneak in first, strike out the pretentious president's hypocritical humanist values, accrue maximum black-political capital, and leave white-liberal america blushing bare-assed at the home-plate, in front of stands packed-full with gob-smacked republican spectators.

now that's exactly where we are today - we have a black president administrating a neo-colonial empire, on behalf of white american liberals. this protectionist, interventionist, exploitative african-american president has hardly visited africa, let alone done anything to free black africans from suffocating international trade-agreements designed to keep white americans in the manner to which they are accustomed. middle-class white americans continue to profit from 'equities' in corporations which leave african and middle-eastern countries mutilated by war and environmental sacrilege: congo cobalt and copper = 10 million dead (this decade alone), iraqi-afghan oil = x million dead (and never mind the poppy or arms trade). the crux of this problem is encapsulated in the niger delta region, nigeria, where oil-spills and gas-flaring have been destroying lives, livelihoods and essential natural environment, day-in, day-out, for decade-upon-decade, yet these daily events never make the headlines in the united states of america - whose cosseted citizens reap the benefits, whilst in the commercial capital, lagos, nigerians do not even have a constant electricity-supply sufficient to light their homely-shacks...and gasolene is at a super-inflated premium.

so now the republican oil-giants have launched a suicide attack against their own country, and they want the democrats to clear up the mess, or pass the buck on to the british - laugh? i nearly pooed myself. well i am british, and i'm sick to death of the cia arrogantly assuming it can appoint our prime ministers and interfere in our political process (against our will), and i'm sick of the united kingdom doing the cia's dirty work, and i'm sick of the other michelle and the cia usurping, repressing and intimidating the british blogging scene for their own (american) ends - so go find someone else to suck on your filthy pipe.

you see, i'm barack obama's other (black british) wife, and i know that, no matter how deeply black people around the world despise his callous political prejudice towards africa (and believe me they do, with a vengeance), they will only assassinate my husband with their barbwire-tongues...but when his ridiculous sham civil-righteous stance becomes an outright embarrassment to white americans, he will be removed, whatever means necessary - and that is why i want my man to resign this untenable preposterous position with immediate effect, on health and safety grounds, because i love him, and i love our children, dearly. god save africa. amen.

update 17.06.01, 17.00hrs:

the huffington post has finally relented and published michelle's heart-rending plea for human rights for african-african humans - it goes without saying that spark up! takes absolutely no credit for bringing pressure to bear on the huffington post's arse in order to ensure that the true story of american corporate cannibalism was promulgated stateside.


michelle mopslop said...

slimey limey bitch

spark up said...

obviously we're all entitled to our opinions, mopslop...

but i can honestly say that i sympathize sincerely with the sentiments of michelle (b) and admire her unconditional love for her cocky exploitative cunt of a husband.

jyoti said...

payday uk

michelle mopslop said...

so basically, the gulf of mexico oil-spill is a prime example of british petroleum adhering to the age-old principle of not dumping on one's own doorstep. hum.

michelle obarnickel said...

yes, well five children are certificate-proof that the president has also been an extremely enthusiastic student at that particular school of thought.

jocelyn jack esien said...

funny these nigerians...their crafty gangsters can come over to the uk and scam us silly, but some western con-artist writes a clause into their constitution which says, "thou shalt hand over all thine oil to the white man", and they do so, seemingly without question.

like the english soccer squad, the nigerians always seem to have trouble performing together as a team, despite possessing really great players - this could well be due to tribal politics. i suggest that, before the next world cup, nigeria devolves into three separate nations, along historical tribal-demarcations, in order to ameliorate their chances for the 2014 competition. england does not have the excuse of political-confusion for our poor team-play, because we (a country of 60 million) are allowed to devolve into our constituent nations for the world cup soccer finals - but note that nigeria, a state with a population of approaching 200 million, is not permitted to devolve for the purposes of this sporting event. fair? either way, both conglomerate countries would do better politically and competitively to break down into their native units - because both states are, in the 21st century, still inherently and emotionally tribalistic. i do however believe that mixed-sex teams should be allowed to compete at international level in future.

incidentally, the reason for 'afro-caribbean' and 'irish' players' under-performance in the world cup soccer tournament is precisely that: there ain't no black (or green) in the union jack (yet). this is why nationalism is an utter farce - and why the world cup, an orgy of nationalism, has a false premise. like many people i usually let the patriotic fervour of the world cup entice me and tease me - but i always know it's all going to end with a bad hangover. as a team sport, soccer football is stroke of genius which tests the paradoxical relationship of the individual to the wider interests of the community, but as a national team sport it is all about power and pride - western style - and it's not very pretty. whilst this competition is in full flow there are still wars are being fought by some of the participant nations - i find this utterly distasteful and do not believe that combattants should be allowed to compete. families are being slaughtered in afghanistan, pakistan and congo whilst fans are cheering in the stands. this is a tournament about national power, at which only the powerful elite get tickets to the big matches. how many ordinary south africans will get even within sniffing distance of these socially exclusive stadiums? this is why the english princes attended - and why nelson mandela's great-grand-daughter was tragically privileged to die in the white-heat of the excitement. i think it's best to remember that world-cup football was invented during a boring lull in world-war atrocities between two colonialist nations.

spark up said...


thanks for that round-up jocelyn - funny, i can never work out whether you're more british or more nigerian, probably neither...maybe of them...funny londoner types...

anyhow, enough of the the interests of fairness, i am willing to do an exposé on the problem of nigerian fraudsters coming over here, siphoning off our benefits wholesale, and then leaving the administrative system devastatingly polluted with bogus identities - whilst british citizens are left with a bare handful of beanz on which to survive. if you ask me, there must be political collusion and corruption at the highest levels of government. fundamentally, it's all the socialists fault, they invented the welfare state - but i reckon cameron's getting a cut of these dodgy claims too...damn disgrace, and you'd think he had enough dough already? (tho' i hear he keeps most of it between his earoles)

acai berry benefits said...

why the world cup, an orgy of nationalism, has a false premise. like many people i usually let the patriotic fervour of the world cup entice me and tease me