Monday, 28 October 2013

tescop mobile casts blacks, irish, and yappy border-collie-schnauzers as negative rôle-models

the television ads grimly make their point, in a coldly dictatorial don't-you-dare-me dispassionate fashion, reprovingly repressing the punter's right to disrespect the chose-us-or-else phone-package product currently being pushed by our premier purveyor of mercantile correctness, but the posters and photo-stills, show-bizarrely snapped for this take-no-prisoners neurotic-colonialist campaign, are just depressingly drab, to a degree which is devoid of any compelling human connectivity, especially this one, that is reminiscent, in its morosely melodramatic mood, of the no ifs, no buts benefit-fraud warnings, or perhaps those old-style drives to deter tube-fare-dodging where the isolated individual is detected and depicted in the clinical grey light-beam of cinéma vérité virtuousness.

reproachfully inhibiting potential customers' freedom of expression whilst denying the strategically selected star-performers an opportunity to shine-up their cv with effortlessly effusive verbal wit, would seem to be sending out completely the wrong message for a communications company (which is after all aiming buzby-like to promote profitable banter along their pay-lines), and it also has the professionally distasteful side-effect of somehow lacing the long-term memory with the unhappy image of a frustrated or failed comic.

indeed, this advertizement's atmosphere is so grim 'n gritty when observed in bare newsprint, that i simply can't avoid the gnawing afro-sensitive thought that there might have been a definite, deliberate and devious attempt by the w an' k agency to promote a culture of negative socio-racial stereotyping.

of course, i don't for one thousandth of a nano-moment blame this communo-ethnic betrayal on gina lashaway, ed airstack or dear old ronnie corgiette, who in their blithe political naïveté have all been well exploited here and comprehensively taken-in (unlike those termed 'immigrants' in this country, who from the 1950s and 60s to the present day have habitually been refused private accommodation by prejudiced scum-landlords on the grounds of skin-colour or national origin alone), yet obviously, no matter how accomplished an artist, the nightmare of being haunted by the curse of unimaginative and mediocre commercial production values is the eternal risk taken by a comedian when being remunerated for performing other people's dodgy material, as opposed to working-up his own scripts on the hazardous trail of trial and error, or even remunerating a copy-writer for quality lines at the correct market-price.

however, quite frankly, i consider it a damnable disgrace that, ranking alongside the randy romford rascal as one of britain's top-rated contemporary comedy acts, ms grievous lashearache, having gigged her friggin' arse off and made it bloody big-time over in the states, has been condescendingly palmed-off with such a fucking naf ad-spot - so let's hope, for her and her colleagues' sakes, that the mobile merchandise in question now lives up to the billing...

...because let's face facts, there's not much good publicity to be gained from associating with tescops otherwise - it's not as if this business, which enjoys the forced labour of unemployed jobseekers for free, is known as a burning beacon of charity...

...i mean-to-say, what's the chance of an establishment-approved outfit like w an' k or tescops (the firm which volunteered itself as a public immigration-surveillance department) dipping into the billions they've reaped in profits to fund a community information campaign against racial discrimination, hey?  would you join a phone-network which was run by a management once more-than-willing to monitor their customers on behalf of the government?

nevertheless, in conclusion, i must confess that there are already several alternative analyses doing the rounds which tend to contradict my afore-mentioned supposition that this multi-national operator indulged in cynical manipulation of multi-culturalism - the most compelling theory being that mega euro-mobster, mad ronnie kickbutt, was actually the gangster initially responsible for feeding the notorious reputation-damaging horsebeef into the retail-supply-chain earlier this year, and then helpfully popped-up to tender tescops his magic "mob-a-job" brand-relaunder-and-relaunch-service, although only on the strict condition that both his afro-caribbean east-end-moll and his long-haired gay-lover got some gratuitous greasy graft from the deal too.

clearly, i couldn't possibly comment.


more gossip than guido said...

hang-on a min matey, i'm not too sure about your wholly unproven proposition that ronnie is the frantically fermenting fulcrum of a bi-sexual underworld ménage à trois - after all, he's happily married to a classy dolly-bird actress from the good-ole-days.

no, in fact the other two characters have in common a rather vicious and crude comedy-streak as their stock-in-trade - maybe it's them wot's at it?

the hidden dangers of skip-writing said...

let's leave ronnie aside, he's effectively retired, he's climbed the cliff-face of comedy, he doesn't need to be so sharp anymore - however being big protected celebs, it's quite possible that the other two teskommandants have been spoon-fed so much free or knock-off gear that they've failed to develop the critical faculties necessary for discerning gaffs from gags.

spark up said...

there used to be some guy who, without ever communicating with me, put up a fake web-site using my name - he claimed to live in colchester; according to wikipedia, ed airbrain lives in essex - coincidence, cock-up, or conspiracy?

(i do not live in either colchester or essex)

g-fan said...


wicked tongue

labelslipper said...

yes, ironically, some ethnic groups termed 'immigrants' have deeper historical roots in this country than those calling them thus.

spark up said...

the comedians in the tescop adverts are granted the use of microphones whilst the ordinary members of the public are not - these bullying stars brandish this power-whip to admonish the common people into silence whilst poisoning the minds of our impressionable youth with a consumerist class-symbol ideology which states that your individual self-worth is determined solely by the value and technological sophistication of your mobile-handset gadgetry.

this type of dogma is simply a crude extension of the pathetic intellectual pantomime performed by super-political leaders who perpetually parade the charade-claim that possession of the biggest nukes constitutes iron philosophical proof of their exalted position on the highest-throne of morality, and in doing so show-off their infinite ignorance, of course - because in reality there are no degrees or levels of personal morality, just that individually governed state of standing in either the right or in the wrong. power is ignorance.

...and talking of mikes, may i say thank you to mrs sloggerhead, blog owner, who dragged me out across london only to mess me around and waste my fucking time. she hasn't changed in seven years, still far too busy, important and inextricably up-herself to give anyone else the time of day, still rambling-on about some closed club which you can only enter after kissing her tight bony arse. well, take a hike baby, you cheated me on guido fawkes (where incidentally i stopped commenting in january 2009), you cheated me on old holborn, and now you want to pull the same old shit on the slog, where you have consistently deleted my comments just as you did on the previous two blogs. you've never paid. where exactly do you get off?

the funny thing is tho'...if i write anything out-of-tune with your pub-policies, you've threatened to 'cut off the mike'... a house where there's no electric (according to your site-stats).

why would i want to come to a bar with no juice?

you must be fucking joking

i might as well stay at home

you must be a comedian

ms g lacherry said...

@spark up

these bullying stars brandish this power-whip to admonish the common people into silence whilst poisoning the minds of our impressionable youth with a consumerist class-symbol ideology which states that your individual self-worth is determined solely by the value and technological sophistication of your mobile-handset gadgetry.

well you see, when i was younger, i thought i was communist, but then i found out i was dyslexic.

mike upgrade said...

i dunno, i think this ad was totally miscast, it's really a job for the elder generation to doddle between golf-rounds - hold ronnie he's fine, but bring in terry wogag and allow ed to be groomed for eurovision.

...and obviously lenny henley would be well suited in the sedentary back-seat-in-comfy-family-car rôle, whilst lasherry is much better bouncing around on beds.

madbroke's bomb-makers said...

first you get news reports that the taliban leader is up for peace talks, then the next day you hear that the cia has assassinated him in a drone-strike - i remember this course of events unfolding twice within he past couple of years.

the cia does not want peace in afghanistan or pakistan. now all that is required to complete the megatonne third-world-war puzzle is that last elusive piece - probably a cia-inspired plot to blow-up parliament or the white house. whoever dunnit doesn't really matter coz the suspect insurgents will be found to hail from whichever middle-east or african country the cia currently fancy destroying - and we will be dragged mercilessly down the road to ever-increasing creeping conflict - and this is what the united states' enemies want too, because this genetically-hard-wired rolling war of american protectionism is eventually bound to bust the land of the free's bailing banks.

obviously the cia could have got their marketing wrong and the british people might just say thanks to the demolishers of democracy for doing us all a bestowing knighthoods upon them...but never forget that the cia always recurringly hedge-away their bets by backing every angle of every side.