Friday, 16 January 2009

fantasist fawkes in furore over furry ferret fetish fixation

sticks and stones may break my bones, but hamsters...?

well. i've had many things thrown at me in my time time but never a cute little furball. still, there's always a first time. someone has recently been characterized as afore-mentioned rodent on the guido site, and subsequently, and somewhat obsessively, had the misfortune to be stuffed up another (dissenting) commentator's arse. now call me vain, but i believe fawkes or one of his prawns was referring to my good self...

so what, you may ask, is all this about?

it's about incandescently animose feelings aroused in the blog's right-minded readership over paul staines' flippant support of the israeli massacre of palestinians in gaza. in a fit of juvenile pique at old-socialist support for the anti-murder movement, he encouraged his fans to pay for moral-boosting kosher pizza to be delivered to IDF soldiers - although the infamous post could more accurately be described as a pressure-valve-excuse to vent his pre-existing islamophobic views. you see, the argument had been building up in the comments' section for a few days - with the yellow emperor brilliantly debunking anonymous and kicking the latter's snide sick-ass up-and-down every page of the site. since staines 'came out' he has posted more pro-death views and has continued to be knocked sensible (one might foolishly hope) by dalai lama ding dong - presumably the selfsame outraged outrider.

ah, but bloggers like to play games, wind people up, and provoke debate, don't they? yes, and the guido fawkes blog has proved itself a master of the art...with generally a high level of freetalk tolerated. it is also a satirically slanted page. so what's the problem? the problem is that this post was not spiced with deep-pan irony, but churlish reactionism which revealed paul staines' contempt for both arab and jewish humanity alike - after all, he only sided with one party because of his dislike for the other, apparently...although i noticed, in comments which he duly deleted, that accusations of opportunism, BNP sympathies, smothering of d-notices, and paid-for pro-zionism all bubbled to the surface during the intellectually imbalanced bout. there is also an element of hypocrisy involved here too - because, from personal experience, i know that extremely dry, cutting criticism, which pertains to subjects such as racism and establishment authorized exploitation of immigrants, is routinely and summarily excized from the record.

often comically portrayed as bit of a chump, could staines be altruistically setting up abhorrently decorative skittles for his superbly analytical commentator to scatter asunder in a moral bowling alley becrowded by gasping spectators? no, not from where i stand - that would entail the admission of his darkest that his visitors are more interested in the commentators' contributions than his own. this is totally true - he appears to have attracted one phenomenally intellectual writer to the site, whose depth of political, philosophical, psychycological and economical understanding is simply astonishing and, more importantly, rooted in a rigorous yet down-to-earth morality. why else do you think the blog is consumed by politicos of the highest rank? this man or woman seems to spatter words onto the screen with a brashly satirical virtuosity and prokofievan prolificism. probably the best blogger in the world. not i, i might add. is this all an imagination on my part? no - anyone who reads guido fawkes regularly would recognize the person of whom i speak. this integrally purposeful performer must hold down many thousands of readers a day - accounting for paul staines' marvellous viewing statistics. i assume that poetic and comedic cameo appearances from people like myself push the hits up even further.

staines is a cynical mercantilist who thinks nothing of profiting from the current bloody conflict by coldly and humourlessly backing the aggressor - the irony being that his inability to repress his own extremist feelings will ultimately cause the bread-and-butter of his freeloving-fanbase to desert him. hats off to his idealogical disintegrity. or perhaps, like both established parties, he's sniffed the financial wind and is looking to pick up the race-hate vote? short-termist. fuck, i'm just the prick who requested payment for posting satoiletry amongst the comments. in the light of events, thank god he ignored my proposal with the contempt with which he treats everyone else. please appreciate that i have never gone in for guido-bashing, mainly due to the fact that i was unaware of the true nastiness of his anonymously excremented opinions. a thank you here to tim ireland and others who have fastidiously documented staines' hypocrisy and his zealous crusade to impose liberty on us all. i do not agree with tim ireland's politics nor his antipathy towards the (almost) 'anything goes' rough 'n tumble of the guido fawkes' bar-room-brawl (i have rather enjoyed it), but appreciate that tim is is a decent, sincere and level-headed bloke. unfortunately, the landlord at the guido & fawkes is a stasi-snitch and his blog an ink blob which his blotting-paper will have great difficulty in absorbing.


pint pot plaudits said...

probably the best blogger in the world

mine's a budvar budweiser actually!

sconzey said...

i lol'd,

I'd also like to add that Islam is a religion and Palestine is a country, objection to one does not translate sensibly into objection to the other.

i.e. one can advocate the anti-terrorism operations in Palestine without being an raging Islamophobe, or one can habitually firebomb mosques without condoning the genocidal warmongering of Israel.

Neither of which I do, of course, but you get the idea.

spark up said...


point taken. senselessness is key to understanding the relationship between islamophobia and the atrocities in palestine.

stanislav's blues said...

Dear Mr Spark up

You might like Yellow Submarine Blues at stanislav's; he is, I believe, a close confidante of the yellow emperor.

an ex-apprentice said...

I don't think I'd go as far as implying Stan was the Dilly Lama. I mean there's taking the piss, and there's just going totally over the top. But he did make a velly nice Emperor, and those fingernails...

By the way Mr Spark up,what name did you use, on Guido?

the red carpet said...


thank you emperor satanslav, i will certainly peruse...and may i seize upon the opportunity of this momentous occasion to welcome you into my most humble abode. please wipe your dirty boots before your entrance and try not to brush against any of the luxurious furnishings and fittings wot i have worked so hard to accumulate. just don't know where you sewage craftsmen have been see. should you perchance experience abnormal urge to work on bog it straight thru there on left. and how goes colonization of uk?

spark up said...


zen vibraphone, pc fuckoff and it started with a piss...amongst a few others