pope benedict xvi pronounces catholic church to be "still against evil"...

...but will allow his theological subscribers a little more discretion on how they go about doing it.

the pope believes that, for a homosexual man, the use of a condom is a small step towards holy cleanliness, but that, to atone for the controversial act of ceremonial gay-packaging, heterosexuals should get as dirty as humanly possible, especially the african ones - for this, the pope says, is the only way to achieve "a humanization of sexuality".

the pope has absolute faith that his diocese's doctrinal determinations on the yay's and nay's of hiding one's bushel have created far more lives than have ever been lost to aids - but since some of those lives created were lives created with aids, he admits that the mental arithmetic becomes a little bit tricky.

fortunately, the pope's not the first person one would approach either for sex-tips, or for help adding things up.