Wednesday, 24 September 2014

big-oil buys-off bad-egg



well, surprise, surprise...following in the smoking hell-bound footsteps of his brother dave bloodtax and his former boss, bonking-mad blair, the butcher of baghdad - and buckinghamshire - ed miliband is about to sell-out, not only the leftwing of the labour party which trustingly raised him to his parliamentary perch, but also millions-upon-millions of sensible, mature, rational britons who, unindoctrinated by rolling 24-hour bbc weapons-ads, explicitly oppose the united kingdom's participation in the never-ending american wars of economic exploitation which continue to wreck civilization in the middle-east.

in seeking election to the top-rung of british politics, mr red edit, cia fast-track recruit extraordinaire, has clearly chosen to chase the islamo-paranoic-race-hate-n-wog-bombing-vote rather than re-galvanize the respect he successfully garnered last year, from socialists, liberals and conservatives across-the-board, when, completely sans-autocue, he nervously stood-up to dave cannonrod and president obombaklaart himself, and like a cutely blinking little lighthouse in the deep obsidian of the cia news-blackout, dutifully warned the captains of mercantile insanity from the razor-sharp rocks of sanctimonious self-serving neo-cuntist colonialism.

power, greed and irrepressible israeli influences have predictably turned miliband's 'ed, with the result that in the shifting desert sand between the cruelly conjoined shambles of syria and iraq, he has drawn a spurious legal line every bit as divisive, immoral and expedient as the scar originally gouged-out by the scimitar of slasher-sykes and simultaneously stitched-up with picot's poison-tipped needle, during the colonial era of socially-sanctioned fascism one hundred years ago.

so it appears, instead of looking to his good grassroots friends for a hand in clambering out of the electoral hole he has carved himself - with a little help from an embarrassingly fluffed conference speech - ed, on the contrary, has decided to bite their experienced green-fingers and rather rashly reach for the dow chemical company pesticide.

of course, improvizing funkily on the bright-side of death, ed can now precipitate the busting of an artificially-inflated london housing-market bubble - by enlisting the eager assistance of a battalion of short-fused suicide-bombers, who, along with many law-abiding muslims in the british electorate, may well now be enticed to vote tactically...

...and finally, having turned the capital into a vicious war-zone, which will conveniently bring his primrose hill mansion safely below the two-million-quid tax-threshold, ed millstone will then find himself in a prime position to achieve a famous double-whammy...

...when he fatally deters the influx of would-be immigrants, formerly attracted to the prospect of a peaceful and prosperous britain.

 

52 comments:

pres b obombaklaart said...

well basically...it's a real big boost to know that my best bi-polar buddy blair is still running that labour party thingy over there in the uk.

johnny pressgob said...

tony blair's for going back into iraq and also syria. e's bloody ravin' e is man.

i'm sorry, but isn't this guy in deep enough shit already?

top-nun said...

hi, my name is sister davida from the convent at downing street - and oooh i'm afraid i've finally succumbed to the most terribly evil of temptations.

friar barack said...

never mind honey - you just snuggle-up here

the left's spiritual deficit said...

if the labour party had a shred of integrity it would split - in fact, if its anti-war members in parliament had quit after the original iraq-war vote, eleven years ago, then we as a country might not be where-we-are-today, deviously drawn into yet another full-scale, unresolvable conflict in the middle-east, which western powers can only aggravate.

labour lost its political-soul years-ago, and now has no chance of recovering it - after rubber-stamping two campaigns in iraq, one in libya and another in afghanistan, the british socialist party has indisputably become the party of total-war.

one wonders whether the pro-war voters in parliament will receive the same level of personal protection as their mediaeval mentor in murder, mayhem and massacre, tony blair?

old ma cleanspeak said...

if boris johnson can use the mayoralty of london as a stepping-stone to the post of prime minister, then why not diane abbott? at cambridge university, she was, after all, a fully-wedged member of an infamous and highly-exclusive afro-sistaz-only chardonnay-sipping chapter - commonly known as the cowfoot club - whose associates were notorious for getting 'a bit-more woozy in wine-bars than generally considered socially-acceptable', for licentiously liberating sachets of coffee-shop-sugar which were surplus to their own actual customer-requirements, for scandalously depositing stalactites of semi-ossified chewing-gum on the dark-underside of library desks, for hosting riotously messy black-forest-gâteau-parties, for the shameful and cowardly practice of pinching unsuspecting white-boys bums in crowded dance-venues, and for peeing indiscriminately in college flower-beds without any due written authority...

...apparently indeed, it is rumoured that to be properly initiated into the upper cake-tier of this somewhat seedy firm of luxuriously-haired hooligans', a prospective fellow would be obliged, according to the ancient and hallowed rules of that convention, to consume her own body-weight in prime périgord truffles and then wash the lot down with an ice-bucketful of brandy-and-babysham t'rass.

tale of a toffee-nosed fascist said...

although a little disappointed that ed military-band did not instantly call-in an air-strike on anti-establishment-blogger peter nunsense and his young family, stella greasypole mp is reportedly reasonably satisfied with the 18-month jail-sentence smacked-down mercilessly upon the essentially-harmless eccentric protester by district judge elizabeth drossco of jackboot-city.

ms greasypole said of the verdict: "the world is now a safer place with daddy danger-gob securely behind bars, and quite frankly i consider him to pose an infinitely greater threat than that of the islamic state - which would obviously never consider carrying-out reprisals against a member of the fairer sex with relations in the arsipocracy, even one which has chirpily voted to blitz is followers off the face of god's earth."

mates of convicted motormouth nunsense state that he will serve his sentence like a man and will learn from his mistake - understanding that he intends to take a crash-course in legal-studies whilst banged-up inside, primarily so that he can abuse people and generally get away with murder, just like the rich and powerful nobs.

riot-act-reader, ms drossco, is now expected by colleagues to receive a fast-track promotion to short-circuit judge.

spark up said...

stormtrooper stella has effectively declared war on proles and their traditionally preferred forms of expression - in fact, combined with home secretary st teresa dismay's planned assault on freedom of speech, this fiasco of fascism will almost certainly be the final nail in the coffin of civil liberties in the united kingdom.

in a flowery fit of fascist hypocrisy, stella creasy complains that the campaign mounted against her through twitter constitutes serial stalking - yet completely fails to acknowledge the damage done to common citizens by the surveillance state, as initiated by the labour government under tony blair. since at least 2006, myself and other bloggers have been placed under 24-hour intimate electronic and personal monitoring by intelligence networks associated with the labour party - this simply for having the temerity to criticize blair's self-aggrandizing war on wogs.

frankly, the french and british socialist parties have been criminally converted to fire live fascist rounds...

...yes, the day has come to pass when, horrifically, even at the extreme tip of the left-wing-scales in hard-faced hackney, the balance of power has been swung so-extraordinarily-far right towards the white middle-class political élite that, to accommodate the recent investor-class-influx of the british bourgeoisie, mayor jules pipe has been discreetly charmed from the tree of pucker social consciousness and is currently pushing through perverse planning permission for a palatial cricket pavilion slap-bang in the middle of hackney marshes, formerly a pristine haven of verdant ecological tranquillity for less-well-off local inhabitants of the inner-city.

james pond said...

actually, spark up, mission creep would ensure that the pavilion would become a police-station which would in turn eventually evolve into a cia surveillance post...

...rather surprised you missed the cop-shop possibility, sir.

lenny bruce on a hot booking said...

speaking to you from my existential time-share in hell, i can conclusively confirm that hell is other people, especially when your long-term bunk-mate is jean paul sartre...

...she should've gone to specksavers...and taken the judge with her...18 weeks in the cooler because someone in the audience didn't get the joke? wow, that's a fucking shit heckle.

mother teresa twatitch said...

shame...peter nunn seems such a nice cleanly turned-out boy too...can't we make him a saint or something? i must anoint him with the holy water immediately.

the prophet-master said...

he is the one...he is come amongst us...stella macpolitics better watch out...the day of judgement is coming...tomorrow night at 10.35pm on bbc1.

pc fuckoff said...

well, mr nunsense seems like a good-natured enough lad...just got a bit carried away by the high-spirited emotion of the moment that's all.

trolling defence league said...

we in the tdl believe that greasypole has milked this case to the max on daytime and celebrity tv in selfish pursuit of personal publicity ...

...and that mr nunsense was probably a bit unwise in his choice of words.

wolf in chic clothing said...

creasy comes direct from the ed milibrand fold: against the first iraq war but for all the rest.

the prophet-master said...

@the prophet-master 2 October 2014 20:49

in order to avoid any undue concern, i think i think it best to point out that i somehow confused the graham norton show 10.35pm bbc1, friday, with question time 10.35pm bbc1, thursday - an easy mistake to make obviously.

spark up said...

@spark up

further to my above comment, i should add that bloggers have no effective legal redress against illegal snooping and surveillance by government-cozy, establishment-feeding intelligence networks such as those which the labour party initially developed and exploited under tony blair - identities are routinely hi-jacked or stolen by undercover operatives, leaving writers unable to earn a living and forced to survive on hand-outs from family or the welfare-state. socialists aim to drag non-co-operative individuals down professionally - to the same end as their conservative partners who stamp down their critics.

the dodgy deck - britain's most unwanted said...

@wolf in chic clothing

ed miliband, stella creasy, and president obama are all amongst the cia-pack which was trained to say 'no' to iraq-war-one but 'yes' to any other war going - miliband, creasy and their shadow-cabinet colleagues are actually no-more than pretty parliamentary plants watered by the american neo-conservatives.

the daily dog-track said...

18 weeks for failing to show-up on a date? is this country being overrun by ultra-vixens?

one-way tweet said...

to her snotty dismay, stella creasy has discovered that twitter is not designed as a platform from which she alone can preach uninterrupted whilst the plebs shut-up, doff their caps, and applaud at frequent intervals...

...but make no mistake, this is precisely the type of barbaric political vision which the ultra-vixen force intends to impose upon us - and this crass, class-motivated conviction is just another small sly step towards the uvf's dastardly concealed aim of subverting british morals and the judicial infrastructure.

who really needs a reality check? peter nunn or stella creasy? said...

it is the uncivilized foreign and domestic policies of our politicians which elicits what creasy might term uncivilized protest - yet of course nothing can be more uncivilized than the british government's standard historic policy of bombing entire nations and their populations into oblivion.

if peter nunn's messages were indeed obscene or menacing, what does this make our government's constant bombing of civilians in the bloody hunt for justice and democracy?

answer: the lives of (non-white) civilians are not as important as ms creasy's phony social sensitivities and perverse political ambition.

want breeds war breeds want said...

@spark up

the labour party's traditional job has and always will be to keep tabs on common-folk and keep the great british rabble down in its habitual place on behalf of the great british ruling establishment - this feat is generally achieved by means of incrementally buying working people off with self-enslaving welfare and ensures that the rich upper-classes do not have to get their hands dirty touching the poor, whom they will never allow to become wealthy on principle...

...and as for the situation in the middle-east, i would summarize it as follows:

with cia, mi6 and israeli assistance, the gulf-states set up the islamic state in order to create a no-go-buffer designed to disrupt the swathe of pro-russian shi'ite-controlled states comprised by syria, iraq and iran.

cameron, hollande and obama therefore have absolutely no intention of defeating the islamic state, a proxy of their gulf-allies, and are now using the emergence of the islamic state as a pretext for patrolling the air above this military buffer - making it impregnable.

in any case, the western allies have neither the political sway nor the military power required to remove the islamic state, which will forever be replenished with newly manufactured extremists from both the gulf and elsewhere whilst the united states supports the gulf-states and israel.

naturally, our government needs cheap oil-deals from the gulf and iraq to fund our expensive domestic welfare-state - and so we now find ourselves at the beck-and-call of the saudi royal-family.

a number of interesting and important points said...

@want breeds war breeds want

1. like all political parties, the labour party has only one tool in its policy-box: intimidation.

2. sometimes matters which go completely undiscussed in the news can nevertheless have a massive effect on the collective subconscious and gradually erode the public trust in an individual or an organization; remember when tesco kindly offered to help new labour spy on customers and identify illegal immigrants - this stupid shop radically abused the trust of its customers and ultimately lost them, having bit the hand that fed it; now cameron and obama have refused to negotiate with the islamic state over the release of kidnapped aid-workers such as alan henning, and have intentionally left these hostages in syria, their own uk and us citizens, to die - purely in order to justify another immoral resource-plundering war to western audiences. the reputations of cameron and obama will be forever be tainted by this supremely cold-blooded exploitation of one of its own innocent citizens.

3. the prolonged western intervention in syria will almost certainly kill more innocent civilians than it will save; politicians kill more people than they cure; there are growing suspicions that our state health-system could be killing more people than it cures...

...indeed, whilst i do not want to discourage anyone from visiting their doctor for cancer-screening, i must reluctantly report that, in the 21st century, the great british nhs is still using stone-age diagnostic techniques for medical diagnosis and treatment. take mammograms, for example:

a) mammograms expose women to 1000 times the radiation-dose of a normal chest-x-ray

b) mammograms are ineffective in detecting certain types and sizes of tumour

c) mammograms are offered far too late in life for many victims of cancer

d) mammograms may actually be responsible for triggering or aggravating the growth of malignant tumours.

surely there must be safer, more effective, and more modern methods of cancer-screening?

your greatest weapon against breast cancer (not mammograms)

screening mammograms do more harm than good

4. the latest michaela strachan revelations will have british women worrying more about their boobs than islamic state attacks on uk soil - this is very clever news diversion.

5. perhaps a more effective form of breast-cancer-screening would be to train-up rolf harris as a medical examiner and then send him 'round to squeeze every british woman's tits one-by-one?

double-entry said...

@a number of interesting and important points

perhaps a more effective form of breast-cancer-screening would be to train-up rolf harris as a medical examiner and then send him 'round to squeeze every british woman's tits one-by-one?

you mean as form of community-service perhaps?

noah - a tit-and-motion expert said...

@a number of interesting and important points

perhaps a more effective form of breast-cancer-screening would be to train-up rolf harris as a medical examiner and then send him 'round to squeeze every british woman's tits one-by-one?

or maybe even two-by-two...?

nigel façade - the freedom-fighting fascist said...

in the wake of opinion-polls which supposedly indicate a vague support for military intervention, our parliament has, once more, decided to bomb the middle-east, indefinitely...

but the pro-perpetual-war parties - conservative, liberal and labour - are now all haemorrhaging votes to ukip - the only mainstream political party in the united kingdom which does not back british involvement in the war in afghanistan, in the eleven-year-old on-going war in iraq, or in the war in syria...

the conservative, liberal and labour parties are run by corrupt members of the existing political establishment - social elitists, who have neither a genuine connection to, nor fluent understanding of, the people they claim to represent.

the labour party is comprised of posh-twats such as stella maccreasy, a woman who stands for style but no substance, and who wouldn't get working-class humour if it bit her on the arse - which it did actually, quite viciously - let-alone understand working-class issues.

equally, the conservative party is controlled by pampered public-schoolboys who have absolutely no real concern for, nor proper grasp of, the issues which currently frustrate their own grassroots members.

in short, the uk government and opposition has greater allegiance to the totalitarian régimes of the gulf-states and the saudi-proxy-army, isis, than it does to its own british electorate.

under america's orders, our government has nurtured the islamic state and helped train its fighters - there is no plan to defeat the islamic state, yet every intention to allow isis militants, on behalf of the turkish government, to commit genocide against the kurdish and other peoples.

so...the anti-war-fascists from ukip are about to clean-up...

...i wonder why?

fromage frais fascism - the tasty topping on tory gruel said...

in the wake of opinion-polls which supposedly indicate a vague support for military intervention, our parliament has, once more, decided to bomb the middle-east, indefinitely...

but the pro-perpetual-war parties - conservative, liberal and labour - are now all haemorrhaging votes to ukip - the only mainstream political party in the united kingdom which does not back british involvement in the war in afghanistan, in the eleven-year-old on-going war in iraq, or in the war in syria...

the conservative, liberal and labour parties are run by corrupt members of the existing political establishment - social elitists, who have neither a genuine connection to, nor fluent understanding of, the people they claim to represent.

the labour party is comprised of posh-twats such as stella maccreasy, a woman who stands for style but no substance, and who wouldn't get working-class humour if it bit her on the arse - which it did recently, quite viciously - let-alone understand working-class issues.

equally, the conservative party is controlled by pampered public-schoolboys who have absolutely no real concern for, nor proper grasp of, the issues which currently frustrate their own grassroots members.

in short, the uk government and opposition has greater allegiance to the totalitarian régimes of the gulf-states and the saudi-proxy-army, isis, than it does to its own british electorate.

under america's orders, our government has nurtured the islamic state and helped train its fighters - there is no plan to defeat the islamic state, yet every intention to allow isis militants to commit genocide against the kurdish and other peoples on behalf of the turkish government.

so...freedom-fighting fascist nigel façade and his merry band of anti-war fascists are about to clean-up...

...i wonder why?

roll-up, roll-up, all ye true conservatives, try brand new recipe ukip fascism, fresh from the wankers' institute kitchen - come eat your heart out...

...and die.

rustle grand said...

yeah, i suppose that's about right really...voting ukip's a bit like supping on a spoonful of boris johnson's lovingly fermented spunk...

...i can see cameron's problem actually - you see there's this right horny posh bird he wants desperately to do doggy-style, but this fucking great big fluffy white wolf keeps-on jumping into bed and getting in the way...

...that sort of thing can really spoil a fucking relationship you know.

rusty gland said...

@rustle grand

no, see...i would have said something more like this:

"yeah, i suppose that's about right really...

...voting ukip's somewhat akin to supping on a spoonful of boris johnson's lovingly fermented man-seed, i would imagine..."

i do have standards you know.

diane abbott - a total fraud, just like the labour party said...

diane abbott's vote against the current war in syria and iraq means absolutely nothing - if she were really against these wars, she and her fellow rebels would have resigned from the labour party in 2003, after the original vote on the iraq war under tony blair...

...but diane abbott did not quit, because she is bought and paid-for by the neo-colonialists and fascists running the labour party, and she will never give up the gravy-train of rich-connections which membership of the labour party provides her...

abbott has no political principles, she is a total fraud - her plan has always been to get very wealthy very quickly, get her kid into a top public school, and fuck the rest of society.

she's never effectively criticized president obama's unequivocal support for the usa's rolling programme of neo-colonial rape and murder in the middle-east and africa. shame on her.

guantanamo is still open for business, the iraq war has re-ignited, and us troops are set to remain in afghanistan for at least a year past the promised deadline - basically, there has been no change in america and africa is riven by vicious religious warfare, between muslims and christians, which president obama and hillary clinton have wilfully stoked-up.

obama is one unholy great broken promise, much like abbott.

no-one takes diane abbott seriously, and this is why she will never make london mayor, despite the unwholesome quality of the decomposing political detritus which is lined-up against her - the first black woman in parliament just hasn't got the gazongas to leave the labour party before standing for mayor of london, and will therefore never succeed.

lady laaardidah of lordship road said...

wrong - the rumours concerning my mayoral candidature are premature and completely false.

who'd want to be on that candidate-list? just look at it: tessa jowell, margaret hodge, lord adonis, alan johnson, george galloway, eddie izzard, richard littlejohn, nigel farage, lord coe...

...my god, it's like an old-hags gallery...

to be fair, i almost didn't get included on account of having had less face-lifts than the others...

...but i got put-in for exhibition anyway - on a free diversity-ticket. thanks for arranging that, ed, you useless bambaclaaart berk...

it's a racist frame-up i tell you.

votes and values cast down the disused mineshaft said...

the biggest lie in british politics is for the conservatives to claim that 'a vote for ukip is a vote for labour' - but a criminally complacent labour party bought this crafty oldcodswallop hook-line-and-sinker.

since the 2010 uk general election, ukip has already, according to public opinion polls, replaced the liberals as the third largest party in british politics. it would appear that discontented liberal-voters, let-down by clegg, have returned to labour, yet instead of capitalizing on this traditional anti-government reaction, the labour party has started leaking so many votes to ukip that it is now rated as less popular than when it lost power in 2010.

in the opinion-polls, ukip has effectively eaten the liberals and is now getting its teeth well-stuck-into the labour vote too - whilst not really doing more than having a nibble at the conservatives.

at the next general election, we will see a weakened conservative vote, a neutered labour vote, an annihilated liberal vote, and a surge of votes to ukip.

the votes which labour desperately require to win a majority at the next general election are the floating-votes cast in protest against the incumbent government, but unfortunately for the socialists, this crucial sub-section of votes is almost certainly set to fall into ukip hands in 2015.

by-election and opinion-poll results prove that, in its current corrupted mould, the labour party can never rise to power in this country without attracting the support of the traditional british fascists who kept it in government under herr blair - however, of course, the fascists have flown to farage, and are unlikely to return before voting day.

ukip is picking-up votes due to its opposition to the cash-guzzling european diktatoriat of fraud, its stance against the continuing war-fuck in the middle-east, and its unashamed willingness to stick-the-boot into immigrants.

labour could cure its terminal case of vote-corrosion by offering britons a referendum on membership of the european mafia in tandem with refusing to support the immoral neo-colonial, neo-conservative wars of rape, pillage and murder, and could then still afford to adhere to such socialist principles as being nice to black, brown and foreign people - but the labour party is obviously far too ignorant to change its position on these legitimate issues of state and administration, not-to-mention far too contaminated by the european gravy-boat, and will rely, as it always does, on a vicious campaign of emotional immigrant-bashing to gain power.

alternatively, ed miliband could pick-up a shed-load of popular votes by relaxing the rules prohibiting smoking in pubs and other private premises, by decriminalizing the use of cannabis, and by scrapping the television-license...

...but nigel charade has almost certainly nicked those plum vote-winners already.

spark up said...

@votes and values cast down the disused mineshaft

labour is the party of totalitarianism - i've spent most of my adult life as a resident of hackney or waltham forest, and from personal experience as a non-voter, i can assure you that socialists do everything they possibly can to make the life of non-socialists like myself, very difficult or sometimes virtually impossible. when you have committed the double-crime of being both a non-socialist and without means, the puritanical socialist organizers in your area will, in their rabid righteousness, find a way to get at you - primarily through your landlord, neighbours, those with whom you associate, the public-service departments which you are forced to use, and even through ignorant members of your own family; in fact, permanent surveillance of your personal and private activities will be a matter of routine procedure for these perverse fanatics.

if labour could re-galvanize the economy, the issue of immigration would be largely side-lined, but control-obsessed socialists are averse to promoting the conditions of socio-economic freedom which are essential for business to flourish.

tony blair introduced the secret surveillance-state, total war, and statutory political repression, and until he and his power-rich fellow war-criminals have paid for the misery and murder which they have officially sanctioned, not least in iraq, afghanistan, somalia and congo, the labour party will rightly deserve to fester in odorous obsolescence for eternity.

only fascists become politicians and it is the most barbaric of these who get into government.

obama - the witch messiah said...

haha, me and my buddies in the ci of a are refashioning british politics in our own american image...

...little does that lefty limey cocksucker miliband know that ukip is a home-grown cia plant, and soon there will be no socialist party at all in the uk parliament, just a conservative party and an ultra-conservative party like in the good ole united states.

why would the usa wish to tolerate socialism in any form, either at home or in any of its colonies...

double-edged discrimination said...

socialists? are they the ones who introduce employment quotas for ethnic minorities - ensuring that, where in a firm say 100 identical vacancies are advertized, only the quota of 8 would ever be filled by ethnic minorities, even when the white people were less qualified for the job than the top 100 applicants from ethnic minorities?

creed of crude - courtesy of talking wellheads said...

it took our governments over six months to respond to the ebola epidemic in west africa - this is because they were basically too busy manufacturing a war in the middle-east to give-a-fuck.

cameron, obama and hollande care more about black-stuff in the ground than black people - and so will it ever be.

this is the creed according to crude

now and forever

amen.

ann weed-de-cunt said...

@obama - the witch messiah

yes, correct - nigel frograge is a persistent and perennial political pest. this horrid little man's rise to prominence in british politics has evoked a deep and complex set of emotional responses within me not dissimilar from my reaction to finding an american bullfrog squatting and smirking in my english country garden...

..and don't get me started on the dangerously invasive nature of ukip and its disastrous effect on traditional westminster politics; good god the thing's spreading like bloody japanese knotweed...and it's a right bastard to root out.

pres b obombaklaart said...

@creed of crude

ok, i know we spend more on bombs than black people, but like every citizen of the united states, i believe in the bomb as being a core american value.

spare the bomb and spoil the special relationship we have with the third world, i always say.

yeah, war window-dressed with the sick of sierra leone - cool idea that...

...betya cant guess who came up with it, hey...?

nigel façade - getting britain back to its roots said...

i know i'm often portrayed as a rabid xenophobe, but the fact is that due to a bitterly ironic twist in my family's history, i have always had the greatest of respect for immigrants...

moreover, i'm as aware as anyone that we are a country of immigrants...

...and if you vote ugrip at the next general election, i can categorically promise british people the opportunity to get off benefits and do the sort of jobs that real immigrants do.

utrip stands for getting british people back in touch with their traditional british roots.

turn back time and tide with udrip.

vote uflip and feel like an immigrant in your own country.

uslip - backwards into the future

nigel frograge said...

i together with my followers believe britain to be the motherland, and view the channel-tunnel as the mother-cunt...

...now you may wonder why we don't just fit a whacking great condom over the french-end, but no, as a true libertarian, i cherish the freedom of movement as one of our central underlying principles, and propose alternatively to require all future immigrants to wear individual full-body prophylactics in order to inhibit their innate ability to fertilize the british economy...and then only then, having met every condition of entry strictly to the letter, will we let suitably attired immigrants come through the tunnel.

(this comment has been loaned to spark up! blog courtesy of the white pube gallery)

pipe-dreams of corporate profit said...

yes, nigel - immigrants seem to come over here and knock-up buildings with complete abandon. what's wrong with good solid british-built structures like stonehenge, for example - there's nothing more architecturally and aesthetically sound than stonehenge, and nothing more british, frankly.

on the other hand, there's the barely inhabited olympic media centre in hackney wick - as ugly as a fucking brick and about attractive to potential leaseholders as a white-elephant's arsehole; now apparently, this tour de force of cheap public design, currently included as one of the seven blunders of the modern world, is to become a digital-information-storage-centre for the cia, yet could so easily have been comprehensively bulldozed to restore the former natural beauty of the historic arena fields, where prize athletics races were held as-far-back as the victorian era.

for the lasting benefit of inner-city kids, hackney council has recently constructed a handful of new schools without a single blade of accessible grass incorporated into the design - yet a generously-sized academic institute, half-the-size of the present £355 million flat-pack monstrosity, could easily have been built in the adjacent olympic parkland, whilst preserving the original fields as a verdant student-facility for such-things as err...outdoor sports-activities, relaxation and recreation...

pumping urine said...

from the very beginning of the current syria-iraq crisis, cameron, obama and hollande have stuck religiously to standard western procedure - they have identified smouldering ethnic tension, fanned it up into a blaze, poured millions of gallons of fuel onto the resulting fire, stood-back 'til the pyre has reached holocaustic proportions, and then pretended to put it out by pointlessly pissing into the inferno.

western intervention in the middle-east and africa is driven solely by the commercial ambition of our greedy, self-interested leaders, and will only further destabilize the world and bring more disaster.

poetry in devolution said...

@votes and values cast down the disused mineshaft

in truth, ed milibund has no room for political manoeuvre - his orders from israel and the united states are to ensure that scotland remains firmly in the uk and that the uk remains entrenched in the european union, thus enabling greater bloc control of all western european sub-colonies by their masters in the new world odour.

at the next general election, labour will not only be fucked by ukip nationalists, but double-fucked by scottish nationalists - and all because, under blair the barbarian and his sorry line of successors to savagery, the so-called socialists have been excruciatingly exposed as probably the most anti-social party in british politics.

now, in seeking to deter britain from dumping the european union, frau merkel, the house-brick from hamburg, is using against fugitive from natural justice, cameron, the very same tactics of emotional blackmail and threats which he and miliband themselves deployed against the poor old scots, in order to dissuade them from independence...

...how awfully ironic.

nigel "gyroscope" earfag - jerk sans frontières - the man who must keep-on spinning to stand up said...

@poetry in devolution

oh yeah, blair - the guy who won three general elections playing the immigration-card, and the guy whose government made a constant racial habit of passing the most heartless and unchristian anti-immigrant legislation this country has ever seen...

...is this the politically-blind cunt who near bit my bollocks off the other day, simply because i now want to carry-on his good-works?

oh right, remember blair's best stick-man, chief-black-basher blunkett? i hear he's considering defecating to ukip...

...coz he can't believe it's not labour.

goodness really...the trouble with the labour party is that it has absolutely no internal mechanism for self-criticism...

...i believe they used to call it a 'moral-compass', but buccaneer blair bunged it overboard when he was playing fetch with blunkett blackbeard's guide dog, luci...

...and now they're on the rocks...

...mine's a g-and-t thanks, mate.

politicians are greedy and thick said...

@votes and values cast down the disused mineshaft

alternatively, ed miliband could pick-up a shed-load of popular votes by relaxing the rules prohibiting smoking in pubs and other private premises, by decriminalizing the use of cannabis, and by scrapping the television-license...

he could also gain a huge pile of easy votes by simply promising to reframe the present council-tax laws, which force tenants renting tiny self-contained studios to pay ridiculously high individual tax-bills, even where such accommodation amounts to little more than bedsits.

this sort of converted property, commonly split into very small bedsit-studios, each subject to individual council-taxation, were formerly classified as 'multi-occupied' residences, where the landlord was required to pay a single council-tax-bill for the whole building - however, after the abolition of the old rate-system, the tax-laws were radically revised, primarily so that local councils could grab more money from more people, despite the reality being that individual council-taxation is practically impossible to collect from bedsit-type properties with a high tenant-turnover.

the current legislation is an administrative nightmare, which has proved both inefficient in economic terms, unpopular, and totally illogical - obviously a common-sense redrafting of these irrationally enforced, yet unfortunately extant, laws would definitely garner approval from all sectors of society, and more importantly, from the entire political spectrum, left-to-right.

in fact, these types of proposal could really be a game-changer at the next general election.

fuzzy - the foreign fat cat said...

@nigel façade - getting britain back to its roots

no matter how stringent your proposed immigration legislation, i am confident you will still find room for those like me, hey nige?

prrrrrrrrrrrr...

rabbit-hutch heaven said...

@politicians are greedy and thick

in addition to the council-tax-changes you mention, i would suggest a relaxation of the building-regulation governing conversion of older property into small self-contained studios - as facilitating the approval of planning permission, in these cases, could immediately help ease the housing crisis which farage continually blames on immigration, and which might otherwise soon bring about the abrupt end of civilization. however, having made this proposal for the good of mankind, i would not recommend taking such remedial action at the expense of reducing pre-existing building or health-and-safety standards.

nigel "ich bin ein willi-warmer" farage said...

@votes and values cast down the disused mineshaft

after the next general election, labour are gonna be wandering-around out in the wilderness, sucking up water through straws from the unforgiving ground beneath dried-up riverbeds - whilst on prolonged political walkabout.

god only knows what labour will have to offer the electorate to buy-back a few scrawny seats and a remaining shred of parliamentary respectability.

we in ukip, on the other hand, have got it all sewn-up - we are going to build a bloody huge flood-defence-system right 'round britain - it will be the greatest civil-engineering project undertaken in this country since the romans, and will employ millions of proud unskilled british folk who are currently denied the life-changing chance of work...

...yes, imagine the berlin wall...it will be just like that...except obviously we will be putting it up instead of pulling it down...because the undeniable uncomfortable truth is that big british libertarians like me need to be protected from even bigger badder libertarians who are lurking out there beyond our borders, ready and waiting to prey upon our generous, charitable, tolerant nature.

two thousand years ago the proudest boast was:

"civis romanus sum".

today, in the world of faragedom, the proudest boast is:

"ich bin ein big-wanker".

jawohl, lass' sie nach britbin kommen - let them come to britbin and see if they can climb over our fuck-off frog-proof fence.

thanks to the european onion, all french men, wherever they may live, are citizens of britain, and scoffing a king-sized slice of our homemade pie, and, therefore, as a free-market-loving man, who is free to tell foreign customers to fuck-off unless they pay more money for our traditionally half-baked british muck, i take pride in the words:

"ich bin eine großartige britische torte".

(ich bin ein great big british tart)

sieg heil sieg heil

angela markall - there's no going-back to the union jack said...

cameron, miliband, clegg, farage...

...just another bunch of great british flag-waving nob-heads* who want to rule the world.

(*alternative translated text: großbritische flaggenwinkende wanker[s])

cbi - confederation of british idiocy said...

@nigel "ich bin ein willi-warmer" farage

oh dear, i don't think nige is sure whether he's fascist or communist - and he's certainly not a free-market capitalist.

nigel fatwage said...

@nigel "ich bin ein willi-warmer" farage

actually, i'm all-for promoting individual progress...

...so it's not so much real physical walls that concern me (their construction, repair and repainting will keep the otherwise-unemployed extremely busy for the next thousand years), but more the politically-repressive ideological barriers - such as the one which stands between my bank-account and the government's.

udip - just like the conservatives, but with cleverer accounting.

nigel farcage said...

oh dear now, these short-sighted scientists who've landed this cute little robot ophelia on comet number wotsit-wotsitsname...

...don't they realize? by-the-time their dodgily parked vehicle returns from its long orbit through outer-space, the bugger will probably be clamped by alien attendants working for the universal union...

...or more likely just nicked for its scrap-metal value and melted down.

...and god knows what the actual fine will be if poor ophelia receives a penalty charge? it could be galactic...

...but obviously, under a ukip government, britain will never be subject to the stealth taxation of the universal union, and safe as houses from interstellar traffic enforcement outfits.

yes, we in ukip aim to give the british people what they want...

...and quite frankly, judging from initial soundings within our party and outside in the country at large, i gather that, generally speaking, the people want to see tony blair raped in prison by basil brush to the seductively harmonic backing-strains of new labour's euphoric anthem, things can only get better.

yes, vote ukip, for verily i feel the historic indigenous resurge of true white consciousness rushing-up uncontrollably through my head...and it's all rather exhilarating really.