Saturday 6 July 2013

gove bans 'gay': spark up! playground poll special



in the wake of uk education secretary mr marigold glove's decision to ban the use of the word 'gay' in school-yards (where it can apparently have many mildly ironic meanings ranging from 'not full-on' to 'flaky', 'flouncy', 'naff', 'half-arsed', 'not-normal', 'effected', 'a flop' or whatever), spark up! has sampled a snapshot of british school-kids' opinions on this polarizing issue...

...when questioned as to what they thought of glove's latest diktat, students living in multi-cultural inner-london areas said they thought the policy was:

"a bit gay really"

...when the group was then asked how they viewed politicians in general, the same socially-conscious babes of political correctness reckoned that conservative government ministers were:

"all fucking gay, init?"

...when invited to spell the word 'gay', the pupils' unanimous answer was:

"don't fucking know, don't fucking care"

...although one clever-dick did have an alternative four-lettered spelling which seemed to prove quite popular judging by the covertly compulsive chuckling of his co-scholars...

encouraged by the success of his delexiconizing mission to wash-out children's gobs with establishmentally-friendly soap, mr glove is now planning to proscribe the word 'sick' in its sense as 'ace', the word 'bad' where it is used to mean 'wicked', and the word 'black' is to be expunged from the english dictionary altogether due to historically derogatory and corrupted connotations cultivated by snobby racist cunts like the secretary of state himself....

.... and finally, squirting the dainty pink icing-deco on the wedding-cake of his party's progressive education initiative, mr marigold glove has declared his preference for a commitment to cultural inclusivity and is providing political proof of this by pushing for the immediate release of funds directed towards the promotion and inception of spanking new 'gay academies'.


19 comments:

ricky-ticky-ring-tone said...

i'm a digitally generated spectrum of sonic frequencies transmitted from vibration matter via oscillating particles...

...and i'm offended by being called 'gay'.

davinia cramhorn - a politically confused conservative cow said...

since only heterosexuals can be offended by being described as 'gay', this word is clearly dangerously discriminatory and must be dealt with severely - also i'm utterly disgusted that children of primary-school age can show such a deep understanding of such sexually-implicit language. whatever is being taught in our classrooms these days?

the national union of mutant ninja teachers said...

gay activists among our membership are now highly concerned that over-zealous enforcement of this directive could possibly prevent innocent gay people calling each other 'gay', but admit that the word has gone totally out-of-control, wiggling its arse all-over-the-shop and engaging in serial sensual transfiguration through being constantly reassigned dotty new definitions - and we therefore strongly suggest that this extremely naughty and disruptive adjective be detained and given several hundred lines of pink prose.

catch 28 said...

from the definitions you offer, it seems like the teachers are telling the kids that homosexuality is normal and (without exhibiting particular homophobia or gay-hatred) the kids are correcting them.

i renounce my conservative party membership with immediate effect.

spark up said...

i certainly don't condone homophobic bullying, but aren't school-staff supposed to be teaching children how to add-up, read, spell and write clearly? surely policing slightly-off-colour street-slang in the playground and possibly usurping the role of (variously orientated) parents in stating their views on sexuality is going beyond the call of duty?

the use of the word 'gay' in a mildly derogatory manner appears generally to be used to describe inanimate objects, concepts or people who are not actually gay - so this cannot be detrimental; a gay person cannot be insulted by the word 'gay' itself unless it is used in association with some other menacing action or undertone.

it's not the word that is the problem here, but the intent, physically or psychologically, to bully someone because of their sexuality - maybe gay people feel differently about this, however the alternative meaning of the word now has popular currency so there's fuck-all gove or any other bugger can do about it.

the issue basically becomes an emotional or psychological one - a battle of wits, if you like, mostly with oneself, i presume. homosexuals have reclaimed words such as 'queer' and 'poof' as their own, so i don't see that this fairly immature assault on the already bi-sensual word 'gay' is going to prove an insurmountable hurdle.

in speech, 'gay' has now effectively almost become a homonym like 'night' and 'knight' - if we don't want to take it one particular way, negatively, for example, we don't have to, do we?

spark up said...

perversely, in the blogging world we know that people will habitually gang-up to intimidate and bully writers without even bothering to actually explain, on-line or otherwise, their disagreement with the views expressed by those writers - this is because the gang-thinkers are too scared to communicate in a direct fashion and discuss a subject openly.

the rope-ladder of no return said...

under the thin disingenuous guise of promoting liberty, gove is simply fulfilling his remit to suppress freedom of speech and alienate the children of the disenfranchised classes, controlling, frustrating, and antagonizing them until they either learn unquestioning obedience, or finally lose their cool by rejecting the state brain-drilling system altogether as a proletarian prom prelude to passing out into the big wide underworld where the cynical shepherd of state really wants them, corralled in common criminality, and held at arms length from the powdered phantasmagorical precincts of his own privileged society, under the ever-watchful one-eyed cattle-prod of those lovely boys in funny yet strangely fetching prim blue uniforms.

everyone knows that this type of authoritarian intervention in the schoolyard just makes life inexorably worse for those persecuted, the preferred objects of protection, the pampered teachers' pets, who are thus effectively blackmailed into collaborating with the great british extortion racket which we all know and love as the established order.

mr george odborn said...

@the rope-ladder of no return

yes, quite, i've got a bit of a bone to pick with the prime minister here, because i believe that privilege and elitism in britain is a recurring ingrowing problem which this government is completely failing to tackle...

...and so basically, the point i'm trying to make is as follows...

...if we're all in this together, and david cameron is fighting for a freer fairer society, how come we don't all get to shag louise mensch, ladies included?

campaign for the legalization of obsessive compulsive snooping said...

@mr george odborn

no, it's not fair is it? for example...they can spy on us, but we can't spy on them, well not legally, anyway...

...i demand the right to watch michelle and barack obama having nasty unoppressed sex in the privacy of the oval orifice, her majesty the queen wildly frigging herself off in the royal bathroom, and camilla parker bowles taking a dump au natural as part of a domestic ecological drive to fertilize charles' crop-fields in an organically environmentally-friendly manner.

spark up said...

@campaign for the legalization of obsessive compulsive snooping

as you are aware, we attempt to accommodate various minority views on this blog, but i am not totally convinced that your personal crusade, ideological and ethical though it may be, is either progressing in the right direction, or particularly productive...

...i realize that this righteously authoritarian eavesdropping-hacking-surveillance craze is near impossible to police, however it is actually legal, for some...

...i therefore humbly suggest that the de-legalization of this perverted paranoid practice would probably be a preferable policy, since this would then establish a general principle of social conduct by which we could all regulate our behaviour.

alternating crumpet said...

@mr george odborn

how come we don't all get to shag louise mensch, ladies included?

i hear she met her present partner on the re-band.

nanny in a state - government special adviser and world authority on swift snifters said...

apparently dave didn't mind conducting an open office-relationship, but called it all off in a madly jealous rage after catching his meandering token-tory mistress copping a crafty little slurp on maggie's over-mellow tits...

...there's also some naughty gossip going about which suggests she may also have snuck a snide sniff of the old girl's woohoo, if you snatch my somewhat soppy subliminal drift...

...but i don't think we really need (or particularly want to) go there, now do we dears...?

sexy sam's spam cam said...

@nanny in a state - government special adviser and world authority on swift snifters

oh really, ya? how come i never got a go on the batty old bagpuss? all i ever get is my drearest drony dave's boring old bagpipe...

...now let me guess, did he get special senior-slot privileges too?

dave "the dachshund" cramhorn said...

woof

sexy sam's spam cam said...

right ya, this means war ya, i'm ringing up big-john croquet-bollocks, my long-haired lover from lefty-land - he's just quit the privy council and has more time to hammer his balls into my hairy-hoop.

an avid anthropologist said...

@campaign for the legalization of obsessive compulsive snooping

...i demand the right to watch michelle and barack obama having nasty unoppressed sex in the privacy of the oval orifice

yes, in the interests of academic research, there are probably billions of people around the world who would be quite curious to observe human beings living in a totally unoppressed state. how much are tickets?

the whistleblowers are the lucky ones, what about the millions murdered by the military? said...

secret surveillance in state schools, spy-cams inside oap's lense-implants following cataract surgery - turning pensioners into unwitting walking cia-tv monitors - whatever next...

...and may i add that as the world stands, with bradley manning facing life in the stockade, julian assange holed up in an exclusive london embassy, and edward snowden stuck in transit at moscow airport, the wikileaks saga is now beginning to resemble a very bad storyline from eastenders, you know, one of those excruciatingly frustrating ones that never seems to get resolved...

...but of course in this case we are dealing with real people's lives...

...can't obama do something about this tragic farce, and the apparently permanent disgrace of guantanamo bay detention facility, and all those wars he's got on the boil?

...i doubt it, there are so many blots on the cunt's copybook he's probably forgotten what a clean-sheet looks like.

lizzy the well-lineaged lounge-lizard said...

@campaign for the legalization of obsessive compulsive snooping

...yes, one often has to ring one's bell...

...it's so jolly tiresome though...

...and nowadays i tend to get one of the staff to ring it for me...

...one appreciates service with a smile, what?

st tony the baptist said...

oh, i can't see why people out there make such a big fuss about the current security and surveillance arrangements - it's all done for our own protection, isn't it...?

...you know, what i always say is this: if you've got nothing to hide, you've got nothing to fear...

...and this is basically why i elect to keep plods with great-big fuck-off guns permanently posted outside my ill-gotten mansion in connaught square, ok?