pope flash

stop press:

six street-cleaners arrested following covert surveillance operation by mi5 exposing poor standard of condom-clearance

mother vows "never again" to wash head of baby kissed by supreme pontiff

baby lodges complaint of child-abuse (in nappy)

baby arrested for projectile vomit attack on papal-mitre

pope-mobile clamped by westminster council parking enforcement officer

jocelyn jee esien claims she was "only doing job"

pope files complaint of religious discrimination and sexual harrassment against westminster city council

archbishop of canterbury questioned by police following pope-mobile tyre-slashing incident

most reverend rowan williams released on caution by metropolitan police after receiving directions to nearest public convenenience and how to use it

pope fined for failure to wear seat-belt

uk immigration directorate orders pope to attend home office approved college for english language tuition