a billboard from god

the forthcoming holy barbeque at dove outreach center in gainesville, florida, is not, as has been widely speculated, a desperate initiative by frustrated american authorities to explore alternative fuel-sources, but is, in reality, a spiritual marketing stunt directed by none-other-than the good lord himself, who, never one to miss an opportunity to make peace where there is a storm (and unify his discordant denominations with the single currency of a common purpose), has shrewdly recognized the commercial potential of the international scriptural inferno which this epiphanic auto da fé will inevitably catalyze - in a word, the prophetically peeved pastor is pre-ordained to unleash a textbook evangelical apocalypse of mutually assured testamental and qur'anic desecration which will go forth and multiply the profits of pious publishers across god's own globe in one almighty biblical bonanza...

...although our father in heaven may also forgive me for suspecting that the reverend terry jones has been smoking rather too much gainesville green.