ed declines rôle as hinge to obama's racket

in the case of proposed british military intervention in the syrian civil-war, the legal opinion of the government attorney general, dodgy dominic grieve, is based wholly upon the unconfirmed presumption that a chemical attack took place and that it was perpetrated by syrian government forces - yet david cameron has produced no solid intelligence or scientific evidence to support this view, just hearsay and circumstantial evidence.

now then, the syrian government is brutal and repressive, much like our own british establishment
(although i grant that in recent times we haven't seriously tested the lash of its whip here at home in the uk, excepting of course in those cases where certain citizens' skin colour has accidentally offended our tone-sensitive authorities)...

...and because the people in ghouta have suffered horrendous barbaric bombardment, we are naturally all extremely sympathetic to their plight, and have no desire to insult their integrity and add to their already deep injury...

...however, the desperation of these syrian people, who are being targeted and slaughtered by their own government, could clearly lead them to resort to extreme measures in an attempt to induce the intervention of british, american, and french forces against their oppressor...

...therefore, having regard to the fact that the cia initially encouraged the syrian opposition to demonstrate and that cia involvement deliberately provoked the syrian government, which then proceeded to commit crimes against humanity...

...and also having regard to the fact that the united states government has sought to incite war in syria...

...and also having regard to the fact that the united states government is looking for the slightest excuse to attack syria, topple president assad, and replace his régime with its own brand of terror...

...and also having regard to the fact that, in the presence of united nations weapons inspectors, it makes no sense whatsoever for the syrian army to launch a chemical attack which could instigate crushing western intervention against its forces...

...and also having regard to the fact that there has been a retracted report of the cia helping rebels set up a false-flag chemical attack in order to lay blame for an atrocity on the syrian government (see alternative source 1, and alternative source 2)...

...and also having regard to the fact that syrian rebels have been discovered in possession of chemical weapons in turkey...

...and also having regard to the fact that the bitter syrian civil war is being fought down sectarian and tribal lines and so utterly intractable that any western intervention would never solve a dispute whose roots grow deep down into the centuries...

...and also having regard to the fact that our western intelligence agencies are notorious for arriving at dodgy conclusions...

...and also having regard to the fact that photographs of the aftermath of the halabja poison gas attack, in iraq, differ considerably in appearance from photographs of the alleged ghouta poison gas attack (see additional source 1, additional source 2, additional source 3, and additional source 4)...

...and also having regard to the fact that the british and united states governments have blatantly tried to bounce this decision on military intervention through our parliament before united nations weapons inspectors have properly been able to investigate the alleged ghouta poison gas attack...

...i'm bound to express my concerns that, notwithstanding the circumstance of the strike occurring at night-time, the scenes portrayed in the video-footage of the alleged ghouta poison gas attack seem unusually organized considering the horrific chaos which would be precipitated by such an event, the unmarked children seem to be sleeping or sedated, not dead, and a staged atmosphere seems to prevail throughout, wherein rescue-workers inexplicably omit to wear vital chemical protective suits. indeed, even the careful spacing of dead animals in the yard seems somewhat too regular and precise.

if my analysis is wrong here (i'm no expert on chemical weaponry), i sincerely apologize, but the feeling of something being 'not quite right' about these images is overwhelming, i'm afraid (see source 1, source 2, source3, and source 4).

i guess that ed miliband, together with many other members of parliament, has already sussed the suspicious or faked nature of the evidence provided and, by seductively holding the door ajar for military intervention (subject to improbable cast-iron confirmation from united nations weapons inspectors of a syrian government chemical attack), he is now allowing david cameron's feet to sink right down into the wet concrete, which will subsequently set rock-hard when the truth of the matter is finally revealed - and thus when the prime minister is duly and summarily ejected from parliament, he will have to hope that it is on the landward-side, where he can assume a statuesque position of dishonour alongside his fellow war-criminal, winston churchill, in parliament square, rather than on the river-side, where he would enjoy a class of more fishy company.

obviously, ed miliband should not have proposed any permutation of proof which would have obligated him to back a war against syria - he has given a hostage to fortune - so let us now pray that parliament will grant no authority for this war whatsoever, irrespective of the standard of war-crime evidence forthcoming.

ed "chef" miliblend: i cooked it my way

guest post submitted by garnish ed:


today i decided to venture into london's african quarter in search of exotic new ingredients, and it was then that it hit me: you can't bake a bunch of cack without breaking any eggs...

...and you know strangely enough, the germ of this idea wasn't hatched by one of my afro-caribbean fans, but was volunteered by a supporter of english origin who just happened to be moonlighting as a messenger of abstract philosophical concepts - i sure didn't see that coming...

...but no need to dwell on circumstantial details, let me go back to the very beginning of the story in order to recount the exact sequence of events that led to the brain-storming session during which i was generously garnished with the full political facts...

...now the proof of the pudding is in the eating, or so people say...and therefore whilst chatting up the local totty, i took the opportunity to test out my new immigration recipe on some of my admirers, simply to gauge their broad reaction, you see...

...obviously, we don't want our socialist party to be accused of racism or anythink like that..and this is why we agreed to divide the labour involved in pissing-off immigrants between ourselves and the conservatives, equally; dave said he didn't mind dealing with the illegals, who tend to be non-european and non-white - basically, he reckoned he wasn't bothered about being called 'racist' as he was looking to nail the nasty vote with his nasty-vans - whilst i was left to take on the poles who are usually of caucasian appearance...

...in fact, to be brutally honest, i was really quite inspired by mr godzilla bloomer, who subliminally communicated to the electorate his subconscious desire to lynch black people by actually expressing his wish to personally hang terrorists - very subtle stuff, i thought...yes, by having a go at the polish it would give the heavily suggestive impression that we were bashing immigration in general, yet at the same time we couldn't be called 'racist' - clever, eh?  what's even better is that polish people would be confident in the knowledge that they couldn't be deported and be preferred for the jobs anyway, being far keener employees than benefit-blunted brits...and even better still, we would not, strictly speaking, be victimizing polish people but, rather, global business, like big bad tescops - well dodgy merchants, who, it turns out, offered to help the previous labour government spy on illegal immigrants...

...drat...as i mentioned already, you have to break things sometimes...but nevertheless it seems tescops constitutes a huge fucking corporate egg and doesn't much fancy getting smashed up...and besides, i'm told the polish are very americo-chummy sorta folks, like me...so we'd better scratch that crafty little strategy...

...and also, mummy isn't too pleased about us harassing the poles...since she says they arranged her escape from the nazis during the second world war - whoops...

...anyway, i'm sure you get the general drift of our key-stone employment policy - brits are never going to get employed unless when in government we bribe companies to employ them by means of totally illegal equal-opportunities-busting financial incentives, or unless we force firms to employ them via equally illegal equal-opportunities-busting directives...or unless as a labour government we create a free-market promoting fair-competition and a level-playing-field for british workers...by utterly abolishing the welfare-state...and then err...losing the next general election...

...oh dear, do we have to interfere in the private affairs of companies...and force them to adopt alternative discriminative policies...?  surely, in a perfect world, they should be allowed to institute whatever anti-meritocratic selection system they fancy...and be free to fuck up their balance-sheet in the narrow-minded manner of their choice...?

...ah, apparently not...according to this text from america...as it's a proxy government's solemn duty to stick it's oar in wherever it's not wanted...and to wiggle it around until the enterprise in question either goes down the plug-hole of ignorance or coughs up it's taxes...so there we have it...

...we'll carry on chewing the trouser-legs of the big boys - who'll just tell us to piss off - and doggedly persist in our vain attempts to monitor the myriad activities of the swarm of smaller outfits...

...but hey, never mind all that sophisticated micro-managerial poppycock, at the end of the day, it's upholding core ideological principles that matters - and this primarily means:

i)  condoning every murderous neo-colonialist war of aggression in which the united states becomes engaged in order to exploit resources - for example, those which occurred in iraq, afghanistan, and libya. 

ii)  condoning the arming of military dictatorships, military factions, or police-states, such as those favoured in egypt, somalia, mali, or nigeria, in order to suppress local populations and provoke them into seeking reactionary sanctuary in islamic government, or islamic extremism, the manufactured emergence of which can subsequently be used as a convenient pretext for funding further oppressive military governments or wars of aggression, ad infinitum. 

iii)  condoning the arming of al qaeda, rebel, insurgency, or other tribal factions in order to overthrow governments which are not conducive to western corruption - such as has recently been the case in libya, syria, the ivory coast, and somalia.

...so fundamentally you see, international socialism's all very straightforward and egalitarian, in my excessively educated opinion - imagine a multi-storey wedding-cake:

a)  the top tier of the wedge just gets shared between me and my mates in the shadow-cabinet, who then flog slices on to our capitalist mates at exorbitant rates. 

b)  the slightly more generous second tier is split between the remainder of the british population.

c)  the biggest bottom tier is divided equally between the fuck-knows-how-many-billions of piss-poor people around the world whose wealth and resources we systematically knock off to make the cake in the first place, and whose labour we continually exploit in dangerous mining or sweat-shop industries because we won't do any other kind of business with them - agro-commerce, for instance, which would provide citizens of poorer countries a sustainable and healthy living - although clearly, members of this global underclass are always free to immigrate to the united kingdom to dig up spuds and such for supply to british supermarkets like tescops, so long of course as these economically-pressed labourers remain working illegally and graft away for considerably below the national minimum wage.

...and there you have it, accessible tenets of kitchen-table socio-economics that the man-or-woman-in-the-street can readily grasp and utilize...

...dean porter certainly fucking well did.


(note to myself:...mmm...maybe make that an upside-down wedding cake...)

spark up! artsflush exposé: bloomer busted in bunga bunga banana bonanza

yes, we can exclusively reveal that the english mep for yawn, waffle and humbug, stubbornly shitting it out at the centre of the latest storm in a coconut to whirl around britain, is not a racist at all, but is in fact an unlicensed and voluntary publicity agent for the world-renowned congolese soukous superstar, kanda bongo man, whose sweet sounds and eye-popping dance videos, are featured below:

kanda bogo man live ii

kanda bongo man live i

kanda bongo man - yolanda

according to various hot sauces in far-right humberside canteens, the notorious "anti-aid interview" in question was actually a massive publicity stunt designed to promote african pop-music and culture, and the ukblip pillock politician who masterminded it, mr godzilla bloomer, has now reluctantly agreed to retract his 'bongos', but apparently only after his party-pooping leader, mr niggle frigidildo, unsportingly held electrodes to them until long past last orders, when the shocking admission is said to have been pumped out.

however, despite this humanely-obtained confession to afro-centric advertizing, godzilla still flatly denies receiving any bananas, melons, mangos, coconuts or other fruits of the forest in return for his services, although bar-staff at his local drinking-hole have recently raised serious concerns over his ravenous appetite for peanuts and his tendency to squat down and dump huge piles of steaming dung on the pool-table.

performers in the international soukous community claim they have never heard of the big fat bastard and certainly haven't fed him, but they do recall noticing a weird-looking english guy at concerts who kept scratching his armpits and making odd grunting noises at the dancing-girls in an attempt to attract their attention through some strange form of mating-ritual - the man is described as white, middle-aged, and dressed in a dirty old raincoat.