the balance of bollox

in common with many hypocritical self-righteous fascists in britain, our most dear and beloved home secretary, st theresa dismay, continues to whinge-on about the uk appeal court's refusal to deport abu qatada as if this legal decision constituted the greatest injustice ever to befall any sovereign state anywhere in the world ever in history - yet she and her fellow gripers are blitzingly quick to forget that the only reason for this notorious individual gaining a political platform, and ensuant accessory power, is the commitment of former governments, left and right, to fully disregard the human rights of muslims in the middle-east by waging upon them devastating neo-colonialist oil-wars and by supporting hideously repressive dictators throughout the wider region; indeed, it seems anathema to the home secretary even to contemplate acceptance that the earlier illegal decision, made by herself and her empire-greedy peers, to invade iraq and murder countless thousands of civilians in cold blood, has sown such sour seeds of discontent as to hasten the promotion of a multitude of abu qatadas in the making.

considering our country's long form for warmongering crimes against muslim populations, surely it is but a small moral price for us to pay that we must now diligently safeguard this anti-western cleric, here in our bosom, until the end of his days, or until such time as he chooses, of his own volition, to fuck off somewhere more hospitable? (and to be fair, i'm bound to propose that the same immigration criteria should be applied to all prospective citizens whose countrymen we have historically oppressed and exploited)

by way of a final thought on the matter, i truly cannot help surmising that were ms dismay's home-sweet-home to take a direct missile-hit from a royal air force fighter-jet which completely wiped-out members of her entire extended family whilst merrily engaged in the celebration of a loved-one's nuptials, it would do wonders for her personal professional ability to weigh the value of an innocent human life against the inalienable right of a british cabinet minister to talk absolute blind-bulletshit in the houses of parliament.

monsieur hop-lit hollande dit: «tant pis» as white rebels stage coup against south african government

ah oui oui oui, french president, françois frogleg, has determinedly assumed a tant pis policy vis-à-vis the ousting of democratic governments en afrique; seasoned international observers readily admit that frogleg really knows his oignons when it comes to sorting out conflicts in places he permits black guys to run...


en bref:

le petit empereur has obstinately sat on his hands during the recent overthrow of (south-african backed) president bozizé of the central african republic...

...and now he's also refused point blanc to sanction french military intervention in south africa itself, allowing white revolutionaries carte blanche to re-introduce apartheid across the former rainbow democracy (where god conveniently chose to bury the pot of gold in the white-backyard) and effectively sentencing chief-troublemaker nelson main-dealer to be locked back up on the robben island retirement-resort...

...but obviously eff eff (as he's affectionately known en angleterre) is still piling (black) troops willy-nilly into the malian desert to fight the islamist insurgents because those arab guys just ain't got a fucking clue about fashion and are thus in serious danger of offending les sensibilités françaises...

ooh là là

spark up! artsflash exclusive: iain slasher smith to audition for rustic reality tv show

as ever here at spark up! high-command, we strive to keep abreast of the news that no-one else will touch and ahead of the stories no-other-bugger even dreamt existed - and today we can reveal to the world the pithy pre-production details of a ground-breaking new soap-cum-sitcom which is set to take mainland british tv by storm...

...sources suggest that the proposed working-title for this forthcoming series is the would life - which, described in terms falling well within the mental-grasp even of an educationally-retarded conservative cabinet minister, is destined to be a revamped documentary-style version of that cherished seventies classic, the good life (but with a sadistic satirical twist), and will remorselessly track, nay stalk, the ups-and-downs of two resilient rural families, one an established brick of the english landed-gentry (inhabiting a two-million-quid tudor mansion in buckinghamshire), the other a household of immigrant romanian stock (resident in local-council-accommodation down the other end of the village), as they both face up to the identical fundamental problem of living, loving and surviving in 21st century bread-line britain without being permitted the luxury of any recourse to public funds whatsoever (whether this funding be via state benefits or government salary)...

...industry insiders are reporting that the rab c nesbitt team are rabidly bidding for the contract to play the reviled romanian clan, and that the family of an as-yet-unspecified government minister is being hotly tipped to fly the flag for the great british aristocracy, or so rumour has it...

...well, don't know about you guys...? but i'm sure rearing to get stuck into this one when it finally reaches our screens.

genial mr genocide joins the congo conga club

when david cameron soon slides his former chief whip into position as european commisioner, andrew mitchell will be following furtively in the footsteps of those down the centuries who have manipulated mineral-rich african governments before him.

read keith harmon snow's exposé about the murder and mayhem in congo which has long been orchestrated by cynical western exploitation of african resources:

gertler’s bling bang torah gang - israel and the ongoing holocaust in congo (part 1)

also learn how the european commission commands a place at the heart of this darkness:

congo's president joseph kabila: dynasty or travesty?

iain citizen smith recommends rebellion

...yes, honest...according to the daily wellygraph, our beloved secretary of hate is furiously fanning the flames of revolution right under his own backside...well i suppose everyone claiming benefits knew that already - they just didn't realize he was doing so deliberately, as part of some weird ritualistic auto-da-fé; in fact, rumours are rampant in parliament that he hasn't trimmed his twin tufts for a good fortnight, and is not planning to visit his exclusive gentlemen's barbers until his hair reaches down to his shoulders...

...and frankly it's not hard to imagine that, during those dull interludes between wanking wildly over the latest benefit-savings figures, he's probably busy designing pro-active websites like boycott workfare - which, i have to admit, is really rather professional, not-to-mention extremely helpful...

...obviously if there is a revolution, mr smith will be the first minister down to the barricades with his antique shot-gun, humanely putting angry hungry rioters out of their misery...thus cutting down unemployment expenditure and conveniently rescuing the country from the reds in the run-up to a general election which he and his mates have otherwise done everything conceivably possible to lose...

...naturally, having ballsed-up the work programme (leaving a lingering legacy which may cost the government billions of pounds in court-costs and bureaucracy as civil servants struggle to re-imburse the thousands of britons who have been illegally deprived of their jobseeker's allowance), and having also been caught wilfully stamping on the souls of the poor by incompassionately targeting the disabled and elder-generations with a spare-box-room tax, the redoubtable mr smith is now desperately seeking to impress the non-benefit-claiming taxpayer by waging war on immigrants claiming welfare - despite the fact that:

• neither immigrants nor students wish to travel to a country which has no job-prospects.
   
• immigration will probably be negligible by 2015 due to the interminable recession.
   
• non-benefit-claiming taxpayers (even the racist ones) do not give a hoot who gets their benefits cut, just so long as someone gets clobbered, with a resultant reduction in general taxation - although, knowing our greedy self-aggrandizing governments, the non-benefit-paying tax-payers may be in for a bit of a nasty shock on that account...

...i suppose mr smith could additionally be trying cynically to curry favour with non-immigrant non-taxpaying benefit-claimants, but the secretary of hate's belligerent dogmatism towards welfare claimants has almost certainly already ensured that almost every briton who has ever claimed a benefit, ever, will now be allergic to the conservative party for all time...

...and so whilst we cheer on this obsessive sado-masochist as he strides cockily toward the electoral guillotine over the corpses of the too-low-born-to-be-bothered-with, let us ponder one final philosophical gem which he has bountifully granted us at tax-payers' expense - namely mr smith's assertion that the mandated members of our british workfare-force are not 'real slaves' such as those in third-world countries permanently indentured to poverty by the neo-colonialist policies of his greedy and oppressive government...

...perhaps then mr smith would care to enlighten us as to what shade of 'slaves' these unpaid workfarers actually belong?  imaginary slaves?  metaphysical slaves?  purely hypothetical slaves?

...and i presume moreover that mr smith would be unconditionally thrilled to authorize the participation of his own dear children in this politically patent non-slavery...for say, two years...in a beef-burger processing-plant...or some other such industrial pillar of the community...

...on-the-other-hand, if this anti-migration minister and his multi-national chums get their wicked old culturally-discriminative way and are permitted to promote their 'free-market' of compartmentalized national prisons, an altogether more meet experience of the duncan smith reality-game-show would be to spend life chained to a romanian slaughterhouse, for a pittance...

...good grief, one truly wonders whether mr iain lock-down smith appreciates the traditional permeating process through which the human race came to inhabit these insignificant little islands in the first place...?

spark up! beastly bye-election special

...and in a constituency where the number-one topic of conversation was race...err sorry i mean immigration...the officially ratified contest results for talking-about-immigration-without-being-racist are as follows:

1st:  liberally demoralized party (scoring 32%)

2nd:  manic street protest party  (scoring 28%)

3rd:  cunts                                   (scoring 25%)

4th:  arseholes                             (scoring 10%)

ah well mmm yes...the winners pulling off a remarkable victory there considering they spent the bulk of their time and energy trying to talk about lord grinhard without giving an actual physical demonstration of punching his head...for despite disaster looming, campaign organizers nevertheless rallied courageously to the liberal cause and cleverly co-ordinated to exploit a loophole in local regulations allowing the not-really-racist-card to trump the sex-card...

...and also a good showing for the radicals seizing second place, the politically unkempt party - i hear they have signalled the start of the bronze revolution by setting fire to barbecues across the european riviera...

...and then third place...oh dear...what with the liberal heirarchy laid-out in hospital on a life-support machine after inopportunely falling victim to a vicious internecine drive-by incident...very disappointing, the ruling tribe must feel thoroughly ashamed of themselves...

...and finally...not making the podium this time 'round...a party which will be rapidly seeking to woo the conservatives into a coalition of contrasts in order to keep the new-suits factor out of power...

so no, it's not racist to talk about immigration, although preventing the romanian race from accessing opportunities equal to those enjoyed by all other european races would, on the face of it, appear to be a dab dodgy ethically...perhaps however we're looking at this problem the wrong way around...you see, european immigration legislation discriminates wholesale against all non-european races: the african one, the american one, the australian one, the asian one, and that one to which people who are born on pacific islands belong...and perhaps therefore we should be asking not how we can make the romanian race equal to all the non-european races of the world, but rather how (in the interests of a global free-market) we can make all the non-european races of the world equal to the european one...

...just a thought...

...and here's another: is the conservative party a christian one?