following the example of cameron's historic re-unification of the anglo-french axis of norsemen...

...british students have been inspired to harmonize riots...à la mode française...in order to demonstrate their opposition to the ending of state-funded state-brainwashing...

university degrees, traditionally awarded according to an individual's level of adherence to politically correct ideology, must now be paid for by the individual...

today's socially conscious pillaging of conservative central headquarters seems to be the inevitable result of a government which has cut public services whilst raising taxation...with a view to pocketing the difference...

very naughty

...although mi5 agents probably provoked the whole débâcle with the devious intention of undermining the students' otherwise peaceful protest...

in a statement on behalf of polite metropolitan society, sir paul stephenson exclaimed: "it's not acceptable. it's an embarrassment for london and for us. cutbacks in student grants could be the death-knell for public hostelries already pushed to the brink by the smoking-ban...and how the blazes am i to buy a pint after paying to put my pig-shit-thick bourgeouis children through the university of disinformation. i'm fucking livid. who's got some squirt?"

questioned on the serious outbreak of violence, sir paul said: "we thought they [the students] were all nice well-mannered middle-class kids who'd never dream of getting into trouble with the police and upsetting their daddies. standards of social-conditioning appear to be at an all-time low in modern british universities. either we must raise the bar and instil some ps and qs into their loutish lexicon...or we must return to a bespoke education system for the elite...and kick out the ruddy riff-raff. i blame the teachers for all this laxity...but most of all i blame the bloody liberals. when's the next rumble lads? what about getting the young farmers to trash the tuc, tit-for-tat like?"