spark up! artsflush exposé: bloomer busted in bunga bunga banana bonanza

yes, we can exclusively reveal that the english mep for yawn, waffle and humbug, stubbornly shitting it out at the centre of the latest storm in a coconut to whirl around britain, is not a racist at all, but is in fact an unlicensed and voluntary publicity agent for the world-renowned congolese soukous superstar, kanda bongo man, whose sweet sounds and eye-popping dance videos, are featured below:

kanda bogo man live ii

kanda bongo man live i

kanda bongo man - yolanda

according to various hot sauces in far-right humberside canteens, the notorious "anti-aid interview" in question was actually a massive publicity stunt designed to promote african pop-music and culture, and the ukblip pillock politician who masterminded it, mr godzilla bloomer, has now reluctantly agreed to retract his 'bongos', but apparently only after his party-pooping leader, mr niggle frigidildo, unsportingly held electrodes to them until long past last orders, when the shocking admission is said to have been pumped out.

however, despite this humanely-obtained confession to afro-centric advertizing, godzilla still flatly denies receiving any bananas, melons, mangos, coconuts or other fruits of the forest in return for his services, although bar-staff at his local drinking-hole have recently raised serious concerns over his ravenous appetite for peanuts and his tendency to squat down and dump huge piles of steaming dung on the pool-table.

performers in the international soukous community claim they have never heard of the big fat bastard and certainly haven't fed him, but they do recall noticing a weird-looking english guy at concerts who kept scratching his armpits and making odd grunting noises at the dancing-girls in an attempt to attract their attention through some strange form of mating-ritual - the man is described as white, middle-aged, and dressed in a dirty old raincoat.